My weekend seems to be starting off well enough.
Work is fun. I got to see my friends. I have put an end to my perennial craving for ice monster (instead for the usual corn with tapioca teaser, I got myself a nice big Cookies and Cream!). I have decided to stay put for the meantime. We had meetings til 9pm, so no gym time for me that day (I didn't mind so much, which was really weird). As a treat, my boss treated me and the staff out for Spanish buffet at Eastwood for late dinner. Lotsa, seafood paella, roast beef, grilled tuna, yummy panna cota (which wasn't the authentic stuff I get at Bellini's, but rather a peachy mousse kind of thing) That was all great food, considering I still don't know what to make of my pay yet.
Me and my best friend went back to last day of the U.P fair. It was packed, with a slow line that seemed to stretch out towards the entire diameter of sunken garden. Compared to my first visit last Thursday,when everyone was already happy just food-tripping or getting their weird henna tattoos. apparently, tonight everyone wanted to be there before it actually ended.
I didn't get to smoke my strawberry cigarettes though. I bummed a few then gave a silent prayer offering in memory of whom this entire stupid ceremony was meant for. Just like last year, it has left me again hopeless, helpless and bleeding. Real tears, just like the ones shed over 3 years ago apparently have not run out of stock. But the heart is getting too old for this kind of unwarranted drama.
Yes, I am old. I am not bitter. But I am certainly not letting go of this anytime soon. I keep asking myself "Why is it that everytime I break up with someone, I feel like they were all a prelude to him?" They all just led up to the stupid fact that I was just suspending my longing for a few months or even weeks? I am not a bad person. I try to love as deeply, sincerely and as everlasting as I can, but it all goes back to you-know-who. Fuck you for leaving me this way. You and your unforgettable, irreplaceable ways.
I hope this feeling passes soon. I don't want to tear myself into too many shreds that noone can piece together.