Thursday, July 10, 2008

Mid-year Resolutions (better late than never....)

I feel good.
In fact, I haven't written anything for myself for the past two months
not because of lack of anything to say,
but rather because there's just so many things going on
that I'd rather attend to.
Suddenly, picking my thoughts seems too tedious a process
(this, from a girl who is constantly getting accused of "overanalyzing.")
Definitely, I want this year to be a landmark year for me.
I want to do many things and step far, far away from my comfort zone.
I want to embrace feeling awkward and uncomfortable
and see where it takes me.
I want to see what it feels to be someone else for a change.
Even if that someone else turns out to be the real me.
How is this going to happen?
Well, let's see....

1. I'm going to backpack my way through an asian country with
no schedule, no credit card and no companions.
This, I must admit, is an exciting and scary concept at the same time.
Not that I haven't ever done it before.
I've gotten lost many many times, but for some reason, this is really a big deal for me.
Hopefully, it'll be the fastest way to clear my head.
I also want to shake off this funk I've been dealing with
since early this year.
On the lighter side,
being by myself allows me to plot out my trip exactly the way I want it.
Sometimes, there's a certain kind of comfort in knowing
you can't possible disappoint, irritate or blame someone else for your own mistakes.

2. I'm diving into a new sport that I used to really hate.
Truth is, I really dislike running.
I have always hated the treadmill and avoided it with a vengeance
whenever I hit the gym.
I find the repetitive motions boring, monotonous and just oh-so-blah.
But lately, surprisingly, all I want to do is run.
I found a compromise with the treadmill dilemma
by running at alternating speeds from a light jog to a full sprint
(which makes me look like a maniac with crazy bangs in the gym by the way).
Bottom line is, I have never lost weight as fast as this.
So if thats what its going to take, then running it is, for now.

3. I'm not going to be scared of the future anymore.
So what if things turn even more difficult than they already are?
So what if they do?
Things happen no matter what we say or think or feel,
so I might as well face it with enough positivity to get through it.
No way am I going back to being a stick-in-a-mud anymore.
Takes too much effort to be sad anyway.
Hopefully, everything I do now,
as long as its in good taste,
will have positive effects in the future.

4. I'm going to stop looking for Mr. Right
For me, Mr. Right is a myth.
There is no right or wrong person for anybody.
There are only people willing to love
and stay no matter what kind of person you are or turn out to be.
It can go without saying that I also have to be the kind of person
who is loving too.
But it's a tricky subject and there really is no concrete plan to follow.
Sometimes I mistake familiarity with love.
One of the gazillion ways it can be misread.
But either way, I'm just going to be thankful for them
who took some time in their lives to stay and love me,
even it was just for a while.
Pretty emo, I know.
But then again, that's just me.