Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Not In The Mood

I'm not really feeling up to writing anything today, particularly for this week.
Especially this week.
But since I haven't exactly been dutiful in updating my blog, I figured I might as well "unload" today...

I am on a self-imposed diet starting this week.
It's called the "someone-stole-all-my-money-last-weekend-and-I-have-to-scrimp-for-a-few-weeks" diet. Ever heard of it?
Only side effects are the occasional feeling of being stunned/shocked/paralyzed with disbelief at the thought that you had been deprived of what you own.
I know I'm hyping it up again (sympathetic friends have told me to let this issue go as I should be thankful that worse things didn't happen), but the feeling just plain sucks.
Here I am trying my darnedest to be thrifty (that's short for "something short of being a scrooge"), buying nice things only if they're at least 40-70% off, foregoing going out to shave off added expenses ("Let's skip the bar scene and just kill time at the gym and dance til-we-drop for free!"), and deprive myself of some supposedly minute details, ("Oh I guess I don't really need that new gym bag, the seams on my old one can hang in there for a few more months, little holes adding up and all.")

What kills me is that if I had known I'd be ripped off like this, I shouldn't have tortured myself waiting for those killer New Balance trainers to go on sale, while at the same time being stressed all the while that maybe by the time that they DO go on sale, my size would've already have been sold at regular price! (I should explain: I rarely splurge on anything, and when I do, it's always gonna be on a pricey pair of cross-trainers, my brand of choice for the past few years having been New Balance, or as a snazzy-but-not-as-comfortable runner-up, Nike. But rarely, and I mean RARELY do I find a pair that really "speaks" to me. And when I do, this is usually a pair I know I'll end up thinking about alot, so I might as well get it regardless of the tag price. But of course, there has to be some sort of discount or else I'll just wait it out like the rest of the hoi polloi.

Anyway, I've never really had anything stolen from me (except maybe an almost empty wallet with my pager clipped to it back in college). I've lost tons of stuff. Stuff I probably don't even know I've lost til maybe years later and it just pops into my head. But it's negligible. I buy cheap stuff all the time. Which makes it less heartbreaking when it's gone. But if it's lost jewelry or money, well that's tough luck. But I guess the bigger issue for me (which kinda betrays how naively I view the world) is that It still escapes me how these things can happen and keep on happening. I can't put into words my exact sentiments about this, but the feeling of helplessness is there. I feel bad that I can't do anything to change the situation, except maybe my attitude to it. It will not make me jaded. It should make me more careful.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

I'm Happy, you think?

Aren't consistent people wonderful?
The good are always on or near the good path while the bad stay on theirs.
There isn't much figuring out to be done.
No wishywashyness going on. No shocking news. Life is steady.
I'm too old for surprises.

I think consistency is a sign of a strong character.
It takes guts to be true to who you are, to adhere to what you believe in, and to never waiver in opinion, despite the odds.
I'm not assuming you are consistently good. In fact, you may as well be consistently bad, and I'd probably still respect you anyway. I prefer to see the true colors rather than the fabricated pretty ones.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Dark Chocolate

There's alot I have to be thankful for today.
But not all exactly in a perfect way.

Sometimes gratitude comes in the form of long-lost friends who call up out-of-the-blue just to check in on you. I guess true friends are like that. They stick with you even if you think your the most horribly unagreeable person in the whole wide world already. Or maybe, they've ESP-ed their way into your brain to weed out any a**holes you might be associating with instead of them. My friend Joey is like this. God knows why she still keeps me. I am about as useful to her as a mud-ugly, deflated football(and she doesn't even play either). We had our days/months/years even, where we lost touch, but she just manages to reconnect and it's like we never missed a days worth of gossip in each others lives. Thanks for coming back jo.

Sometimes closure can come in the form of news. Good or bad, news is news. I had been wanting to hear news about someone whom I hoped to god did not die a horrible death or get all his fingers, lips, and ears cut off (which was supposed to logically explain why he has not replied to any form of communication). A friend even suggested I pray for news, which I did. Not exactly the type to engage in fervent dialogue with God everyday, I prayed. Not for what I wanted, but for him to get what he wanted. And I guess he did. Thankfully, he did not get any of his appendages cut off, nor is he living on the streets. He is, as I can assume, happy and well. And better off without me.

Sometimes regret can come in the form of two things: action or inaction. You either regret not doing something, or you regret something you did which you wish you had not done in the first place. I usually pride myself in saying I have no regrets. Ha. Who am I kidding? Apparently, almost all my regrets were regrets of action taken. Too much action, apparently, is enough to kill any kind of relationship. Maybe things will be better if I just took the backseat view from now on....

Sometimes happiness comes in the form of cheap thrills like spending the day exactly the way you want it. Last Wednesday felt like my birthday. It was great. I guess spending time with family can do that to you. I finally convinced the fam to wake up at the ungodly hour of 6am and hie off to a water spa for an early morning dip. swear to god I love those hot, hot, hot herbal pools. But what i love most is dunking myself in the ice-cold whirlpool afterwards (I swear to god, it would freeze my balls off, if I had any. I kid you not!). Then we had breakfast, followed by coffee and cappuccino cheesecake afterwards. Then it was off to work. My perfect day.

Sometimes love for work can come in the most mundane of circumstances. It's great when you chance upon people purchasing your magazine. But it's a a million times greater when you see them walk out of the store and hurriedly open the mag just to see whats inside already. This lady I shared the elevator with couldn't even wait til she got to her car to check out what's in our latest issue. Now if that isn't the biggest compliment, I don't know what is....

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


The rains finally stopped today.
Time to bring out the leggings and ballet flats again.
I've been hiding under layers and layers of sloppy clothing the past few days (great excuse to wear two jackets at the same time.)
So easy to slide into that routine of looking androgynous and apathetic.
The thing with clothing, even when you try not to look like you pieced together an outift, whether you just opted for grunge or sporty or goth, truth is you still cared enough to choose what to wear to pull off that exact un-put-together look.
An ex of mine once commented "You dress like you just put on whatever you got from your closet without looking, at least that's what you want people to think."
Much to my dismay, he's right. I have to agree.
I won't wear just anything.
A girl has got to have some standards, at least in that department.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Love Life

Clarification: the title of this entry was meant to be a statement rather than any romantic happening

Finally, i'm getting the chance to write stuff I actually love.
Not to say that I hate talking about celebrities, because even I gotta admit, there are worse things to do in the world (like being the guy who rides cramped jeepneys just to squish in between female passengers and hopefully cop a feel).
I've been wanting to get involved for the longest time in something I can be passionate about (men not necessarily included) and I think I've found it in this org I joined. Won't write about it speciifically for now. I feel like it's too early and I'm too much of a newbie to even think I can speak about them. All I know for now is, all this time, it's just been so stupid of me to realize that I've been uninvolved but aware about them all these years.

Of course I wasn't too confident about my writing skills back then. Not to say it's any good now (my friendster profile still stands: a wannabe writer during weekdays and wannabe athlete turned gym rat on weekends). it's just that I haven't been having much self-doubt lately. And boy oh boy, I could definitely run for Queen of Self-Doubt in those days.

So now here I am gloating on my blog about things I haven't written yet. (thats what blogs are for right? Gloating to humans kinda has risk for backlash in ways I don't even wanna ponder right now)
I just pitched some half-baked stories that have been swimming in my head all these years (including that idea for a book that I wanna do if I had the street cred to write an actual book) and I figured, heck, if I pitch 10 stories then there's gotta be some chance of at least one of them getting a go-ahead. Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll like two.
Well I just got feedback, and not only am I gonna write one story soon, apparently I'll be writing about all of my pitches in succession! Coolness. Rad. Cowabunga (all my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles expressions seem to spurt out when I feel like gloating.

So there, I admit. I'm pretty happy today.
Even the rain looks lovely outside.

Friday, July 21, 2006

I Don't Get You

You my friend, are an enigma.
I've known you for so long and still you won't let me understand.
You wrack my brain and you've tread on my heart
And still i keep on caring....

Caring for what you may ask?
For our friendship, for your future, for everything we've ever shared.
(Or maybe it was all in my head)
What was in your head all these years?
I still don't know.

And you say you're the one who needs rescuing......

Saturday, July 08, 2006


I haven't slept in over 30 hours.
By choice, not because of some nagging depressive state of mind that usually keeps me awake because of thoughts i like to wallow in.

I'm not usually as adventurous as people think I am. I like routine. I like looking forward to starting the same consistent cycle in a brand new spanking day.
Which is why I don't really do well with impromptu invitations.
My first impulse is always to decline.
Call me anti-social, but maybe I've gotten used to small groups.
But anyway, some old old ghosts from the past insisted that we meet up, and even as I continually discourage them from wasting any more time and text money on me, they still decided to show up in front of my house anyway.
At 2 in the morning.

So off we went, not having anywhere in particular we were supposed to go to. Ended up driving around alot and even discovered some literal dead ends along the way (blame it on our tipsy driver who started drinking early in the evening. Apparently, they all just felt like going out. Getting out is more like it. Out of life, out of their loves, out of everything that restrains us from being who we truly want to be. How liberating, if only for just a few quick hours.

We ended up at someone's house. Drinking and talking. As usual, I had about one fourth of what everybody else had drunk, but ended up being the reddest come going home time. And speaking of going home time, I got back to my house at 11am. Helluva time to get back to sleep. So I didn't.

Sleep will come to me. But it's gotta catch me first. Haha. I'm still dazed

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


If there were three questions you wish you could ask someone now, whom you won't have the chance to ask ever again, what would it be? Here's mine.

1. Regrets aside, why'd you do it?
2. At what point did you realize that this could be a turning point in your life?
3. What has changed you the most?


I have absolutely no idea what the word "flipflapping" means.
And since it probably doesn't mean anything conclusive, I'm taking it to mean whatever I want to write in this particular entry.

It's a hot day outside. It definitely feels like summer (even though summer was officially over a month and a week ago). I am wearing my fuschia slippers and spanking new orange beach bag to work. it certainly feels like i'm headed to the beach. I wish. It becomes summer everytime i go outdoors on weekends. After dragging myself out of bed to catch a morning gym class, i go home by lunch to make in time to meet up with fellow-minded friends and it becomes summer all over again. Come to think of it, I didn't really get to enjoy summer this year. No sleepovers at weird girls houses, no drinking games, and no funny Korean men trying to hook up in Bora.

I have an article due today and I had my tummy all up in knots worrying if I'll finish it the way I like it. Of course I can get it done, but the point will always be, how satisfied will I be with what I write? So to battle that, I like doing things totally unrelated to my work just to take the edge off and blogging is one of them. Sometimes trying to take your mind off the things that you can't help worry about is EXACTLY what you need to get it done.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Not a Movie Review

You know whats better than watching Superman Returns?
Watching Superman Returns in 3D.

I just caught the 9am screening of the film at the IMAX theater at the SM Mall of Asia. One of the editors gave out much-coveted passes the night before and me and my work buddies were giddy with excitement at the thought of watching it on opening day.

Now I've never been a big fan of 3D and the godawful-looking glasses you have to wear to experience it.
But this was definitely something else.
Superman Returns is jaw-droppingly beautiful, especially when your watching it in the biggest movie screen in the country (supposed to be equivalent to the height of an eight-storey building). During the 3D scenes, everying not only leaps out at you, its LARGER THAN LIFE. Our gay friend was literally hugging mid-air everytime Superman was soaring "towards us."

Even though i had already read alot of reviews prior to watching the flick, I still felt it was great entertainment. Clocking in at over two hours and a half, the movie leaves you hankering for more even though you don't leave the theater unsatisfied. It is a long and wonderful journey that intersperses the classic Reeves' superman and Routh's infusion into the character. I think this is a good way to inculcate the generation of today with a classic comic book character. I also like the implied parallelism with Jesus Christ in some of the scenes and the tri-personlaity of Kal-el, Clark Kent and Superman.

Can't wait for the next installment.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Definitely Not My Day

It started out innocently enough, a totally innocuous day.
Or so i thought.

Woke up happy the sun was out (I always prefer the sun to the rain. Maybe because its my kind of soccer-playing weather, but then again nothing beats the fun of playing soccer while your muddy wet and sliding everywhere. Ah, those were the good ole days in Sunken Garden...)

I'd like to consider myself a happy commuter. I don't mind all the harried transferring from jeepney-train or bus-tricycle that my route to the office entails daily. My only gripe right now is that by the time I get to the office, I am all sweated out, not to mention zapped of any energy I should have spent working. PLUS, I perspire to the point that I wish I could just have brought extra clothes. I remember this anti-perspirant commercial that promises to solve all those wet spots. Now I wish they could find a product that could prevent my chest from sweating so much. I hate those damn wet lines!

Well, I usually don't mind, but today was different. I had a presscon to attend in another city for lunch and I was bothered by not feeling so fresh. Not to mention that halfway through my commute, I discovered my water bottle had leaked through my bag and stupid me didnt even notice til my entire right leg was soaked through. I looked like I peed myself! (Technically speaking, the water pattern isn't consistent with a girl having peed herself. It should have wet through the middle and gone outwards on both sides. The wet spot on my jeans would have been perfect for male incontinence episode because it was only wet towards one side. This is my "watched-too-many-episodes-of-CSI Vegas and NY speaking by the way")

So suffice to say, by the time I got to work, I was pretty bothered by how I looked. But still, me and an office buddy attended the event. This again entailed commuting and walking through 3 inter-connected malls (which is fun but the whole walking-through-hot-cold-hot-cold wasn't really good for me). And I was right, halfway through the crowded presscon, I started nosebleeding. Not the trickle down slowly type mind you. It came down in one long gush and I'd like to thank the kikay gods for making me remember to bring extra tissue in my bag for horrid situations like this. Now since the room was packed I couldnt really go out so I tried holding my nose and making the blood clot, but after many excruciating moments of looking like a crazy dork in front of Jericho Rosales (who's endorsing a new line of jeans for Denim Lab), I decided to sneak off to the nearest ladies room.

When we got back to the office I had another nosebleed. Makes me wonder what the heck's wrong with me. Is it one of those weird maladies that Dr. Gregory House loves solving? Will alien antibodies start eating and melting my vital organs til it starts looking like baked lasagna in there? Have I been watching too many episodes of House M.D? Anyway, thank God another pal brought me ice and i used my gym towel to bring my body temp to a cooler temp (I generally have a hotter temp than anybody else I know. Not very good when you live in a tropical country)

So now, here I am finishing off a small cup of spicy seafood instant noodles. Lotsa MSG I know. But I'm holding off til everybody leaves. It's really nice in the office when everyone's gone and the AC hasn't been turned off yet. Very peaceful. Maybe my day doesn't have to end with a rotten egg.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Food-tripping (June edition)

Here's a list of stuff I've never tried before and my (more than) two cents' worth on it.

1. Pringles Guacamole-flavored potato chips
I definitely like this flavor more than any wasabi-flavored chips I've tried. it's tangy , but not enough to turn off those who don't like food that has a bit of a bite. The green tinge on the chips is kinda off-putting (like its moldy or something), but if you can get over that, it's actually pretty good. Best eaten in a dark, dark theater.

2. Pringles Cheezy Quesidillas flavored potato chips
I think it's really great that Pringles keep comin out with new "exciting" flavore (just like Cheetos, except they didn't come out with a new flavor, but a new texture instead. I am saving up to splurge on one big bag of Cheetos cheese Puffs as I write this). This is just a variation of their regular cheese version, but at least it's different.

3.Speedo Sports Water in starfruit flavor
Whenever my godmother in Cali asks me what I want, I always tell her to get me sports-related stuff. Most of the other things I know is available locally, so why make her spend for it right? So I got all sorts of bandages, joint supports, heat pads and sports drinks. Last last year, the newest thing I received was powdered gatorade and this year Speedo water tops the list. I like their thick blue bottles. It's pretty sturdy and re-usable (I just read in a medical magazine why you shouldn't re-use clear plastic mineral water bottles. Apparently, they have toxic stuff inside that could contaminate whatever you refill)

4. Akay-Akay
I'm not a big fan of native rice cakes, but I believe in trying everything at least once (except those recipes that involve okra and bitter gourd), and we went to this deli called Mommy's. Akay-Akay is a form of cassava cake that has red beans in it (which is one of my favorite ingredients. I love mongo bread, hopia and buchi balls!)

5. Green grass rice cakes
Me and a friend were in a hurry to buy takeout from a nearby foodcourt in order to make it to a 7pm showing of The Da Vinci Code (we weren't gonna catch the last full show lest we end up going home in the wee hours of the morn). So what happened was a frenzied scoping out of all the food stalls and haphazardly ordering anything we thought we be remotely un-messy enough to eat inside the cinema. As an afterthought, my friend decided to order this brownish-green rice cake we saw on our way out and had it microwaved for takeout. It was yummy! It had gooey coconut strips inside and wasn't too dry in texture.

6. Pancake Sandwiches
Our main course for that night, we bought at NY Diner (a place originally i just know for its gigantic french fries slices with your choice of a dozen or so dips). We had always wondered about their expanded new menu and although it was a bit pricy (a little over $2 for waffles and pancake sandwiches). So we ordered a ham & egg pancake sandwich for her and a bacon & egg pancake sandwich for me. It is exactly what it is called,a pancake sandwich, just with a side order of fries. I loved it! You pour maple syrup on everything and just slice your way to carbo heaven. Yummy!

Thursday, June 01, 2006


"How about let's not do this ever again in this lifetime okay?

This was the conclusion I came to, the endpoint of a running conversation I kept having in my head every few years. The untimely (When does it ever really become "timely" anyway?) death of a relationship. The sad sorry time when you pick up the dregs of your former self and hope to God you haven't lost all the pieces yet. Analytical mind? Check. Ability to emphathize? Check. Self deprecating wit? Check. Ability to love again? Check (Thank God). Self-confidence??? Oh shit. I knew I left it somewhere.

Sometimes you reassess the things you do and wonder why you are cursed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Not that choosing to be in love falls directly under that ill-fated category, but choosing to complicate your life with a love too difficult to maintain can quite easily be viewed as illogical to some people (my alter ego included).

Being a woman (ahem), I really don't think a guy should hold a girl up to the last thing she manages to spout off the last time they fought. Stuff said in the most heated (or emotional) of times are never trustworthy. It's not like going to an ukay-ukay and making a decision then and there because you know you'll never find another piece like it in the planet. You don't have the luxury of time to compare it with another store because by the time you come back, it may be gone forever. No, I'd rather compare it to shopping for a mass-produced commodity found in department store chains. You find something you like, but you hold back because you try to find something better. Same with words, you say what you think (even if it's the stupidest lamest things to say) because you felt like it, but in actuality, when you finally get to rehash what had transpired, more than likely you wish you'd brought a mental copy editor to straighten you up. So you may think you were right in saying what you did right then, but for sure you'll find better ways of having said it once you've reviewed what happened.

That didn't make sense. oh well
That's what blogs are for. paper moons and candy clouds...

Endpoint: I've probably said alot of things I am not proud of. One time a budding relationship abruptly ended because of one stupid phrase he would never forgive me for. But I've learned from it. And I'm more deliberate now. (not exactly always in a good way though).

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Many Vested Plots

Sometimes I wonder just how funny things tend to fall into place.

Just like in the movies, I absolutely love it when I have no idea how the ending will turn out (and kudos to Mr. M. Night Shymalan who hasn't disappointed me yet). I'm one of those doofuses who turn off their brains when they go inside the theater and just wanna revel in all the eye candy. (which is why it pisses me off when people get too critical, but thats a whole other story...)

I know that just like in sports, there are winners, losers, and those in between in Life. Those stuck in thegray area are those who didn't really lose much, but felt like they didn't win anything either. So for me, it's all relative. You can be either a winner or loser in your head. It all depends on what you hold dear to your heart and what you consider to be expendable. With sports, it's too clear-cut, there are statistics, there are tallies. People watch, they don't even have to decide if you suck or not, because you can do that for them. There will be days when you are the pigeon and days when you are the statue. You can't please everybody. But you also know that you don't really have to please everybody. This is not a beauty pageant. You are not competing for something that is as abstract and subjective as hell. Thank God skill, hard work and determination still count for something. Otherwise my team wouldn't have won the superbowl. But we did. And therefore, we got declared winners. Simple? Yes. Very.

In Love, when you meet someone, hit it off, and then get into a relationship, can you be considered a winner? When you break up, is it considered your loss or his? When is there really a clear cut gain or loss when it comes to relationships? (at risk of sounding like a Carrie Bradshaw wannabe, I really havent figured this one out). For me, a gain is more of when I meet somebody, end up caring for him, going ga-ga over him, frustrated over him and living la vida loca with him in mind. It's all a wonderful crazy blur. I gain without ever expecting him to give the exact same thing in return. Because to have the chance to do that, experience that, make that part of your history, is a great opportunity in itself. Mushy, i know. But when I'm old and gray, I'll look back at all these supposedly imperfect times and think about all the horrible judgements I made, stupid stuff that I unbelieveably did, things that would make my parents shackle me int he basement for good if they found out, and it was those kinds of things that will make me happy in my twilight years. (Actually, I'm kinda happy about it now).

In the long run, my losses have turned out to be gains. Because I never mince with words, I have never felt like I have shortchanged someone of my emotions. Because my ego will never be an issue when it comes to relationships, I do not feel bad about past fights. Because I will do my damndest to keep a relationship afloat and exhaust all means to the point of looking like a fool, I have no regrets. Just memories of the hard, challenging process we like to call Love.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


I think there's something sad about not being afraid of hospitals anymore.
It's sick to find comfort in surroundings like that.
The general assumption is that you only go to hospitals when there's something wrong with you or you don't want something wrong to happen to you.
But to continually induce situations that amp up the risk factor of you ending up in the emergency room is undeniably stupid (no matter how much fun you had in the process).

I've been to quite a number of hospitals in this lifetime, not all of these visits caused by sports.
Hospitals have this damp alcoholic smell. The lighting is off. The fellow patients are either pained, resisting pain or in a state of shock, same goes for their sympathetic but fatigued companions.
The hospital staff look either affected, disaffected or somewhat tired. Occasionally there will be a cute doctor or intern, but that still does not remove the fact that you are in an enclosed area where there is alot of pain going on.
And pain, is an idea I've become all too familiar with especially in the past few months.

In all honesty, it was fun being wheelchaired around for a change. because sometimes I get too tired to pretend I'm still strong. In a hospital, people genuinely want to help you out, not just for show. And I know i can be weak.
Sometimes, i can't tell if i'm in real honest-to-goodness pain or if I'm just acting up. But I guess dripping blood is a good indication. other than that, i can't tell either way. Sad, I told you.
I've also gotten used to being stared at alot when i'm there. Stares that either say "Well what happened to her?" or "Playing contact sports is just a stupid thing for a girl to do." I'm used to different doctors chatting me up to assess my sitaution and then tell me about their old playing days and how they miss being on the field. I am used to all their morbid attention by now.

The Cause:
We played our semis game last saturday despite the typhoon (and better judgement). My eye ended up connecting with someone's elbow (i think it was more of the other way around) and my shoulder popped. so despite wanting to finish the game (playing 2 hours actual game and two hours overtime, but still ending in a draw), i was scooted off to the nearby cardinal santos hospital for x-ray and examination.
So there I was, with lots of caked mud on my wet clothes and cleats, sitting in the x-ray room by myself wondering how the hell do i get myself into these kinds of situations?

Because it all boils down to me. I knew I was asking for it. and i'm still in denial about that.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


Dreary, Dark, and decidedly damp.
That's how last night ended and today got started.
The dayi thought wouldn't come til end May got a little too excited and decided to (literally) rain on what's left of summer.

I wasn't able to pursue the set plan yesterday (which is why I'm leaving the previous post unfinished). But maybe it'll pull through this Sunday when crabby people aren't so crabby and everybody gets a decent night's rest.

yesterday, I was able to pass by my old ballet school. Actually, it's the same school, but different location. They've upgraded to a more elite mall, but my teacher still looks the same. I was transfixed to the point that the some of the students were probably wondering what the hell this scruffy looking girl was doing, staring at them while en pointe. I can't stay I miss my toe shoes days. There was always some sort of unspoken competition between you and your batchmates, especially if someone gets promoted to toe shoes earler. I remember everyone eagerly anticipating that day after class when our teacher would call you over and tell you that you can now go out and buy your first pair of toe shoes.

Anyway, enough about ballet.
I was all over the city yesterday running various errands and thinking to myself that it must eb so hard to maintain your dignity while being impoverished here int he Philippines. Case in point:

1. The jeepneys, considered the main form of transportation, which theoretically exist for public CONVENIENCE, are anything but convenient. First off, the barkers practically harangue you into choosing their jeep, then the drivers order you into squishing yourself into a seat that is more of a seating space ideal for an 8 year-old child.
2. Now with the rains, its become a sort of micro hell whenever you commute because the jeeps all have these plastic covers that keep all the rain out and keep all the passengers body heat in! So imagine walking around half-wet, getting into a dank jeep, perspiring from your own body heat, your seatmates body heat and the heat of the engine!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Don't be so blase

Our hell week's almost done. Hurray! Hurray!
Which means I get a day off to go food-tripping with a balikbayan aunt/godmother in Quiapo, Manila tomorrow (which will prove to be mighty interesting as I have not been back there this year). It's relief for me because she's been getting antsy about not going around and I've been feeling guilty that in between work and the gym, I hardly have time for other important affairs including her (which kinda gives you an idea of how my sad sorry life goes). Anyway, here's whats on the happy-happy-but-not-joy-joy-cuz-of-the-heat agenda:

1. Take the LRT train to Recto from Gateway in Cubao. (a short 15 minute train ride which only gets slightly more interesting when your unwilling body gets mashed up against more lumpy alien bodies during rush hour.)
2. Walk the murky walkway from Isetann to the Quiapo church (while at the same time trying to look unaffected by the smoldering heat, godawful pollution and skeazy (but appraising) glances from the locals. I guess if you look just as tough and angry as the rest of them, they'll leave you alone. Otherwise, watch your back). The hodgepodge of wares being sold everywhere in Quiapo is an experience in itself and I can't wait to show her the studded carabao rings and other interesting paraphernalia we'll encounter along the way.
3. A compulsory visit to the Quiapo church (which I've passed by countless of times, but have have only gone in only once.) Surprisingly, it's not as scary as the movies portray it to be (swarming with pickpockets and other shady characters)
4. A short walk around Plaza Miranda (once bombed, never the same since)
5. Going down the underpass to get to the other side. Now the underpass is another point area. There's like a mini-mall with food stalls, shops and even a travel agency. How people can work and stay all day underneath one of the busiest, most probably also the dirtiest road in the city is beyond me. Or maybe they're just too busy to care. Just make sure we don't accidentally step on one of the numerous sleeping bodies we encounter on the stairs.
6. Welcome to the Black Market! If the Quiapo Church can be considered the Heart of Quiapo, then the black market (as me and my friends like to call it) refer to this as the Underbelly of Quiapo, full of chinese and muslim merchants

to be continued...

Monday, May 08, 2006

Sweet sweet potatoes

I seem to keep forgetting to blog this year...
Not that i don't want to, that i can't. I just feel like there's nothing much to write about. I mean, who wants to hear me rave about rediscovering my love for kamote (a.k.a sweet potatoes) fries and oatmeal?
Everyday, about 3 blocks from my office, is a fried banana and kamote stand. They open at 11am and close as late at 8pm (who eats fries at that late hour, i wouldn't know). It's basically a struggle to decide not to buy any as midday snacks for the day. I love how the red sugar sticks to the thin slices. How hot it is and how warm it feels in my belly. I've become semi-familiar with the guy who cooks it and so, he's always trying to give me extra. Even giving me a a plate of peanuts while waiting for my order to be done (3-5pm is their crazy hour because messenger boys from all over arrive with dozens of orders. I prefer buying it myself. More walking mileage).

Not that I usually chat up people. I mean, I think of myself as pretty shy, I don't even stare at anybody when I'm out and that usually results into me bumping into people i don't know and not even recognizing them til they shake

The only other time this has happened was when my mom had to attend a summer banking program at harvard in massachusetts and dragged me along since it was summer. We stayed at this bed-and-breakfast in Boston and while she was out the entire day, i was left to wander around college town where I loved hanging out at the underground punk stores and vintage shops. Right beside this big branch of Au Bon Pain was this unobtrusive Middle Eastern deli. And although I'd gotten used to choosing my usual choice of either ham and cheese croissant or BLT, I decided to give it a try one day. The food wasn't bad. I'm not a big fan of meditteranean, but It was good. And getting to chat with somebody was a nice change too. I couldn't remember how I started chatting with them, but these two guys, the owners and brothers, who weren't so old but too old for me at that time (i think i just started college), were just really friendly and i told them about me being on vacation (which in hindsight was probably not a very smart thing to do considering I didn't know anybody else int he city and vice-versa). Anyway, I remembered they'd be really nice, giving extra soup or extra pita bread or cookies, especially the ones that came out imperfect. i didn't mind. free food tastes better anyway. And I actually thought that younger guy was pretty cute. Too bad I couldn't have stayed longer. And it sucks I haven't been back there in over a decade. Who knows what couldve happened. :)

Saturday, April 29, 2006

More ramblings...

Saturday night and I'm at the office.
Woke up too early, trying to be dragged out of bed by an overzealous aunt.
I think she's gonna get over her jetlag faster than letting the fact sink that I am never going to be a morning person. ever.

Spent the afternoon watching pigkin balls fly overhead. (actually no, there were more flying dust and bodies than actual balls. The games today weren't so great). felt like I was reffing junior league flag instead of the last elimination game before the playoffs.

I was waiting for a cute outdoor magazine photographer to cover the game for a sports mag I'm freelancing at. He was very late. But eventually, he did get the shots he needed. Ended up having take a few shots of my team practicing too. (we were practicing "crazy" routes for next week's all-star weekend). Crazy routes are bound to be fun. it involves putting one finger on the ground and twirling yourself 10 times before running, then doing an egg roll after 5 yards and then a cartwheel after another 10 yards. I can't wait! Although I kinda fell down already after 5 twirls, I ddin't even get to run. It was hilarious. But the zinger is, you don't exactly win for being the fastest, Apparently, the crazy team reps decided it was gonna be judged based on creativity, fluidity of movement (whatever the heck that means) and speed.

Our next game is the semis. Against a very tough team. Skill-wise, I'm happy where my team is at. But personally, I feel that if we really want to be assured of a win, we need to be ready. And being ready involves practice. to just practice, but a good set of preparations (mental and physical). I anticipate alot of brand new bumps and bruises to crop up after this game. I hope noone gets seriouslu hurt though, especially me!

Geez, I seem to be droning on and on about football today. probably because it's the only thing i feel in control of right now. I got to check out my stats earlier and I'm pretty happy with how I've been doing (read: I do not suck yet. I can be an old fogey next season). But if your gonna ask me about how work and everyhting else in life is doing, i probably will give you a couple of inaudible mumbles that amounts to basically nothing.

Work is fine. But for the first time, I've had a naked-in-a-public-area dream. And apparently, that symbolizes stress or anxiousness about something. I feel like i should resign already though. Got far-off places to go to, things to do and time to spend (finally!). We'll see... I really want to see this to "fruition" (borrowing a big word from a big friend)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Venti Life

Sometimes I wish everything could just be solved by a quick trip to starbucks.
Of course, I still swear that their Tazo iced tea effectively shakes off whatever hangover I feel coming on after a long night of party-hearty-ing. But nowadays, even a nice free cup of coffee jelly frappuccino won't do the trick.
I am still at loose ends.

it's summer and hot as hell right now. Barring whatever threat of La Nina thats supposedly coming, the weather absolutely sucks. (Unless you live in Boracay, in which case that would be absolute heaven). The closest to the sun and fun I've had in ages are our weekly football games. I still havent decided what I am liking more right now, being inside the field and getting too hurt for my own good, or watching from the sidelines with a cool glass of iced tea. (no contest here, not when I think I might've torn my rotator muscle [again])

I am trying my darnedest not to go buy an orange popsicle right now. Everyone in the office always comes back from lunch with a waffle cone or iced treat. But I need to cut back. What the hell am I going to the gym for if I eat my way back to the weight I hate? Double negative. You hate yourself for succumbing to those killer gym fees which they hike up too often, then you put on weight that guarantees you no liberation from the bondage of organized fitness. Stupid cycle indeed.

Back to the venti, there's a starbucks in my office lobby and I can still count on one hand the number of times that place has ever robbed me blind (just once, when i was having my fortune read cuz we couldnt find a suitable area for a reading, and all other times were for business meetings). Truth is, despite the abominable pricing, they have pretty yummy stuff. Their strawberries & cream frappe tastes like the authentic strawberry milkshakes I've had in the states, their coffee jelly is the good chewy kind (not the wimpy variety that jollibee has) and their guava juice is really good (especially when your running late and need a quick pick-me-upper).

A friend from the States says that their local starbucks is interested in carrying the lengua de gato (a light crumbly cookie that loosely translates into "fingers of milk")that his friend's sister makes. I told him thats pretty interesting, considering that lengua de gato is kinda commonplace over here. I remember forever buying small packs of it during recess in grade school. I think i'm just afraid I'll get hooked on it like Holy Kettle Corn and then they'll jack up the price which'll leave me going for broke again. But I guess if starbucks can get away with selling $1.25 ham & cheese croissants while Dunkin Donuts sells their superior version for only 80 cents, then anything is possible (except the chance that my salary will go up this year).

I'm not griping, I'm just bummed I'm not yuppie scum enough to afford starbucks everyday (I'd rather save up for a trip to you-know-where). There's this story about the mayonnaise jar, the golf balls, pebbles, sand and coffee grains. The story is too long to tell, but the end point was, (and I truly believe it) that no matter how busy your are, there will always be some space left in your life to grab a few cups of coffee with a good friend. And for that, I thank starbucks (and all the other under-the-radar cafes I've enjoyed kiling time in) but not for the caffeine and the calories though.

Monday, March 13, 2006

I wanna be MK

I am not 150 pounds.
I am not going to believe that stupid vintage-looking scale in the middle of my gym (embarassingly located right smack where everyone can see the godawful reality of how indoor fitness is NOT working for you)

But then again, there was my pre, post and in-between holiday bingeing (the whole "Oh, one more slice of moist chocolatey caramel-filled devil's cake won't make a difference")
Ha! yeah right it did.
Then there was my all-time rationalizing ("Oh geez, it's not as if I won't be able to work this out this week. I've been working my off at the office all week! i'm allowed to pig out on weekends!")

Actually, I'm pretty happy with my body. Hell, even my closest friends are fine with the way I look. Except maybe for my thunder (soccer) thighs (an unavoidable event, unless I wanted to suck at the sport), I think i pretty far from what you would call overweight.

I still have a pretty good sense of balance, thanks to ballet (my yoga instructor always says balance is power, so the more balance you have, the more power you have over/in your body). If my knees were made of steel, I'd still be inclined to dive, do laterals and make quick cuts all over the place. I've built up my resistance to a point where i don't have to huff and grunt like an ogre everytime i climb up a long flight of stairs (woo-hoo!). I like doing sprints. I like varying speeds. I have finally found some sense of joy in running (although, compared to other stuff, it's still pretty boring to me). But on the days when I can't work out, I just run.

Another peculiar habit I've picked up recently is reading online tabloid news. But it's been having an adverse effect on me though. The celebs these rags have supposedly been picking on are some of the celebs I end up glorifying in my head. Take for instance MK, I admit, she could pass for a bag lady. But I love how she can wear mismatched layered clothes, big buddha bead necklaces and flat thong sandals all day (sans the cigarette and tall cuppa Starbucks though). I am even compelled to buy a leather aquamarine (I'm just totally lovestruck with this color!) bag, not Balenciaga of course. But I feel that it would just go with any outfit (bag lady look or not). Haha, life's little inanities can bring such little surges of joy to me right now.

Its not that I want to be MK, I just want to be fit (take note: i didn't say thin) enough to be able to walk around with clothes that are draped, not hugging me.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Making up your Mind Meld

I figured nows as good a time as any to start writing again.
Although I've been feeling under the weather lately, maybe my brain cells can still come up with discernible output.

It's so easy to get sucked into the heavy routine of work-eat-sleep everyday, that everything else just seems like added riffraff, extra burdens if you must, even things you usually enjoyed before.

I've been finding solace in mango melon smoothies (it's not prime papaya season), hoping that these overpriced cups of mishmashed fruit, ice and curdled milk can bring me some semblance of happiness.

It's harder to think of nicer things to write about when you feel like crap. it's like the chill inside me has frozen any ability to gush about my usual happy processes. Like how I like freezing moments (inside my head) of happy people around me, making them into vignettes of goodness in my head and how I like looking at holding hands, laughing kids and people just basically having fun.

It's hard to write about the nice and not-so-nice stuff I've recently watched when I've been feeling too dizzy to even take in my usual habit of one hour kimchi soap opera episodes.

I wanted to write an example on how big a deal Friendster has become, even if it's also a brilliant and successful networking program. How coming up with an apt profile to encapsulate your very existence can also become the root of unwanted information about you.

I want to say how much i've missed writing like this even when I know I do not really miss it. But then again, I don't think i would like to have the time to miss anything, because it might hurt. And God knows I've already been down that path and it just plain sucks egg.

Monday, January 09, 2006


I really like this song by Natasha Bedingfield.
I first heard it when my cousin sang it during our karaoke night and ironically, i think I prefer her version over the original (must be blood loyalty).

"I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned."

And since this is the first week of the year, I felt it quite apt to inculde it in this entry.
I'm also trying to finish up the rest of my resolutions......

(warning: girly-girl issues ahead)
1. Stop wearing those ill-fitted (but comfy) satin bras and start investing on some raunchier push-up ones (haha). Seriously, except for my sports bras (which i prefer to wear anyway), i find that my ordinary ones fit bad. Probably because i hate wearing underwired and i'd do away with bras altogether (blame it on the influence of my aunt in the states whose probably enjoying herself in some hippie farm in Alabama right now) if it weren't for the fact that i'd be so bothered with all that "jiggling."

2. Burn my old, abused corduroy pants and invest in some new ones. I'd like to think that my corduroys are like having pet dogs, they can get thinner as they get older, but still be the same lovable creatures that they were when you first bought them. But there comes a time when the holes are getting too big and your ass is spilling out (and unless your some cute,hot unaware guy like Maximo actor Ping Medina, then I don't think you can get away with that kind of shit) and since corduroy isn't the most expensive fabric in the world, then I figure getting new ones are okay. (But on second thought, i'm still keeping my ratty ones)

3.Over the holidays, I've noticed my family has decided to ditch the old traditional Filipino party format (ya know, the typical noodle ("for long life"), meat dishes and rice cakes fare) and opted for a more "continental" (read:hoity-toity) approach. So basically, we had alot of wine and cheese parties. Which kinda freaked out my "hefty" cousins who are so used to rice meals. I guess it's a good change. But I don't think it'll help us lose weight if we get more than double servings because the portions are cut so small (mushroom horderves are yum!). So my resolution on this is to not get trapped into eating my usual default no-brainer fare. Maybe I could get used to fastfood veggie meat at Bodhi instead of KFC..........

4. Read more, rant less. Not that I have time to blog as much as before anyway, but I've noticed the piles of unread books in my room piling up and I haven't really been trying to catch up with that (Blame it on The Far Side books I got for Christmas, which left my classic reads totally forsaken). But I promise, starting this month, i will read, read and read!

5. Don't really mind the Joneses. Although society has already declared (who the f**k comprises of society anyway?!?) what it deems acceptable and atrocious, I see no reason why I should choose not to ascribe to that particular book of rules. We may coincidentally have similar beliefs (like not walking around in the city with just your underwear, worn inside out or picking your nose with your feet), but that doesn't mean I agree with other things. I think too many rules make life hard for people. To the point that they are a burden already. Rules should be pliant like the bamboo (Which applies to Pinoys, according to a cool filipino writer).

6. Lessen my dependency on "sugar highs." If quick fixes like this were as easily applied to sex, well........ haha, i'll just leave it at that.