Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Lucky Bitch

I've been walking around half-asleep lately.
Don't really know why.
It's not that I almost lost my job last week.
Or that I am losing interest in the only other thing that drives me to wake up everyday.

Last night I lost my phone. And found it again.
Right in the middle of the road.

I had gotten off my usual stop, about a block from my house.
Before going home, I had passed by a late-night supermarket to get fresh fruit and my guilty junk food rations for the week.

Now I have this stupid tendency of texting in the middle of traffic which was why my mobile was not tucked safely in my bag, but just barely peeking out of my jeans pocket. When I got off, with my big backpack (gym staple) and pack of groceries, I didnt bother to double check if I had left anything behind (thats another thing I'm prone to doing nowadays, never looking back)
It was not until I was inside the house that I noticed the absence of a bulge in my right pocket.

Panic, i've learned, is a controllable urge once you've conditioned the mind to accept things you cannot change or contribute to.
So as I decided to search my bags then retrace my steps all the way outside, I was also trying to tell myself that stupid things happen because I let it happen, because thats what happens when you let yourself slide into a lazy state of complacency.

I figured, by this time, somebody wouldve passed by and picked it up already.
But then again, it wouldnt hurt to at least try and look for it.
So as I walked, not trying to look too panicked, nor too dejected. Until I reached the main road. Just as a tricycle zoomed passed the dark orange-lit street, I saw a small black bar lying smack in the middle of the road and i raced to it, knowing full well it could have already been flattened by the rush of vehicles zooming past.
But I was lucky, it was 10pm and traffic was light.

So as I walked up to my poor phone (Its just a baby at barely 2 weeks old), i felt ashamed at being so careless, so scatterbrained, so full of myself. It didnt have a scratch on it at all! (well, except the ones I made when I lug it around).

I figured, only people who have ever truly been in need are the most careful people in the world. Those who do not have any extra to spare, or have cherished what they have to the point of worship. These are those who know and appreciate how lucky they are, to have what they have, to be in the exact situation they have been put in. They know fully well why they do or don't deserve what they have.

I'm not rich. A cellphone is as much a luxury as it is a necessity for me. But maybe, deep inside I know I can live without it. That I dont really need it (well, my boss needs it to contact me, but not the other way around. God knows I'd love not getting last minute text assignments in the middle of the night). I know I should value money more. That it is not just a means to an end, but a means to get me to a specific end.

Love is another commodity in my life I haven't quite taken good care of lately. It seems that I am at a point of losing it and I am not being extra careful again. Not with my actions nor with my words.

I need to keep things closer to my heart I think.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

All in a daze work

Everytime I am out walking about, these thoughts pop into my head that I store, things that I would like to do, would like to be, would like to write. And then they end up getting lost somewhere in my mind and I feel stupider than when I didn't think of these things.

There are very few simple things in life that can calm me down, perk me up and get me going again. Here's the top 5

1. Going through a second-hand bookstore and finding nice books to read(its a shame to leave with only one)
2. Walking along a busy street market, taking in all the wonderful eye candy, the colorful wares, the people bartering, the smells, the entire social set-up. It is
like one big lesson in psychology, or art, depending on what you need or want to
3. Visiting vintage shops with no particular mission in mind and you end up with an
armful of stuff you suddenly decided you cannot live without.
4. Walking around the neighborhood mall (it doesnt really matter what the backdrop is) with my best friend for hours, lugging our heavy backpacks (he's also chronic overpacker like me) and talking and overtalking out every silly and sorry little thing we've not been disclosing to each other since we last met.
5. Spending a day by myself, acting on whim and not really knowing where i'll end up.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Manila's Really Trippy

Funny things always seem to happen to me.
Not that it’s really funny from my perspective, more of embarrassing actually.
Like take for instance, last night, an old friend of mine treated me out and we had a nice relaxing foot massage together. I would’ve fallen asleep except that my friend wanted to hear the buzz about anything and everything in showbiz.

Going home, we decided to take the Metro Rail Transit (MRT) since we figured it was past rush hour and it was faster than the start-stop-hobble movement of the buses in the highway. But boy were we so wrong. There were still so many train commuters at that hour. The MRT line 3 (the one I take to and from the office) has around 12 or so stations going north to south continuously. Now the train doors are located on both sides of the train. This is because every 4th or so stop has a shared platform. Now I am not the type to push and shove just to get into that blasted train, but my friend was confident that we’d fit. So I figured I’d step in last and if there’s no space left then I could just take one step back and take the next ride.

So me and Tess were chatting and catching up on months worth of stories we haven’t shared with each other and all that when the train doors started to close, with one of my bag handles still outside. Funny right? We laughed it off and I figured oh well, I’ll get back full possession of my bag (that’s what I get for bringing a dainty shoulder bag instead of my usual backpack) in the next station. No worries. Until the couple who were (squashed up) behind me pointed out that I’d have to take a round trip (which meant around 8 more stops) to get my bag back since we wouldn’t be passing into anymore shared platforms! Of course, everyone was staring at my reaction, which can only be described as a mixture of amusement, humor, horror and panic.

I was already mentally preparing myself to wait it out, weathering all the looks I was getting from people and accepting the fact that they were all secretly feeling lucky that they would never have to get into unbelievable follies like that girl who was stuck to the train door because she wasn’t sharp enough to pull her bag in. My friend looked at me sympathetically (what else could she do right?). and I was already psyching myself up as to what a great experience it was to be able to have an MRT train all to myself (even though I still couldn’t sit down and leave my bag hanging in mid-air. Only 3 stations more to go and everyone was gonna get out and leave me inside til the train turns around and go south. But a sympathetic dude (who I just know is a God-send!) offered to help pull it out, since the door edges were all rubber. And pull we did, ever so gently, and successfully. Relieved is too minor a term to describe what I felt.

Now, I think I can say it was quite funny.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Seafood Soap (soup)

I am writing this while juggling work and lunch (im such a bad bad employee...)
Anyway, i just have to write that I had taken a liking to this instant seafood noodle soup, wherein you just pour in the hot water and Viola, ita a mini-meal!
I like using chopsticks, for the heck of it (plus, it slows my digestion process, i got so attuned to having 15-minute meals in high school that i end up eating so fast and so plenty!)

well, it just dawned on me that my favored soup at the moment smells and possibly also tastes like soap! Yum. yum. yum. I really must need to get out more. (Fyi, my cousin likes tasting baby powder, so there.)

Its back to the rat race......

Saturday, August 06, 2005

All Jazzed Up

Its past 2am, i am at the office listening to my Jazz in the City cd.
I'm contemplating sleeping in the lobby sofa (wouldnt be the first time though) just so i wouldnt have to go home and come back by lunch time (there goes my weekend...)

I don't really mind, we're working on a really good feature article right now and I know it'll be worth the sweat. Plus, i probably get a few days off next week. So now, my head is feeling kinda light, I wish I'd remembered to buy bread from the bakery before going home, and my brain is saturated in all sorts of Jazz.

Tomorrow is the start of the all-womens tourney (which i so obviously wont be able to participate in), i'm not that bummed, my knee hates me right now for not being responsible enough to bring it for an MRI. My other knee is starting to act up but lets not go there...

I am hoping to find the time to watch the new Willy Wonka movie (good luck with that) and hopefully buy a new phone. i'm not the picky type but my trusty old unit is about to give up on me any minute now (dontcha just know it, right gerard?)

anyway, im just on a blogging break, back to work.......

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Finger food

For me, finger food can be classified into two categories, food which is eaten using your fingers (or toes, if you like) or food which actually resemble fingers (like those mighty thin fish sticks i had for lunch at the cafeteria, which, on the menu read "Special of the Day: Fish Fingers with Crispy Kangkong and garlic mayo dressing". What I didn't expect was that they would actually have the audacity to serve me one lousy piece of that leafy veggie! Oh my god, do they actually think I'd have fulfilled my RDA with that one leaf?! Anyway, this is why you should never trust breaded food. The breading (more truthfully known as "extenders" give the appearance of a fat juicy slab hiding under a textured layer of crispyness, its more like a thick slab of crispyness with a thin layer of something that allows our taste buds to recognize that its meat.)

What food can we eat with out fingers? Ive discovered that it can be practically everything except coffee jelly, spaghetti and baked macaroni. One of the hardest things I've tried to eat with my fingers was a very very sharply-boned piece of skinny fried fish. It was quite the challenge. and it didnt even tide me over.

The photo above, I am proud to say, was taken during a very rainy night while I was having the meal-before-the-actual-dinner with some of my teammates. This for me is one of the best meals of the week, right after a punishing round of training, we hie off to the nearest fast food joint and order whatever. I dont really end up remembering what I ate, its just an excuse to hang out and talk more before parting ways to another long week at work. What we did that night was order fries and just created one big pile in the middle of the table. We ran out of ketchup though (i dont think anyone noticed). Others ordered more than that, shared more than that. But noone was keeping tabs anyway.

I love nights like these. Sometimes its not just that the main event that matters, but the run down of everything after.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Sunny Sway

I know it sounds immature to say responsibility is a drag
So I wont.

I guess the weather is getting to me.
It should.

I know this won't last forever.
It can.

I know it sounds cliche to say Love conquers all.
My love will.