Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Love Life

Clarification: the title of this entry was meant to be a statement rather than any romantic happening

Finally, i'm getting the chance to write stuff I actually love.
Not to say that I hate talking about celebrities, because even I gotta admit, there are worse things to do in the world (like being the guy who rides cramped jeepneys just to squish in between female passengers and hopefully cop a feel).
I've been wanting to get involved for the longest time in something I can be passionate about (men not necessarily included) and I think I've found it in this org I joined. Won't write about it speciifically for now. I feel like it's too early and I'm too much of a newbie to even think I can speak about them. All I know for now is, all this time, it's just been so stupid of me to realize that I've been uninvolved but aware about them all these years.

Of course I wasn't too confident about my writing skills back then. Not to say it's any good now (my friendster profile still stands: a wannabe writer during weekdays and wannabe athlete turned gym rat on weekends). it's just that I haven't been having much self-doubt lately. And boy oh boy, I could definitely run for Queen of Self-Doubt in those days.

So now here I am gloating on my blog about things I haven't written yet. (thats what blogs are for right? Gloating to humans kinda has risk for backlash in ways I don't even wanna ponder right now)
I just pitched some half-baked stories that have been swimming in my head all these years (including that idea for a book that I wanna do if I had the street cred to write an actual book) and I figured, heck, if I pitch 10 stories then there's gotta be some chance of at least one of them getting a go-ahead. Maybe if I'm lucky, they'll like two.
Well I just got feedback, and not only am I gonna write one story soon, apparently I'll be writing about all of my pitches in succession! Coolness. Rad. Cowabunga (all my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles expressions seem to spurt out when I feel like gloating.

So there, I admit. I'm pretty happy today.
Even the rain looks lovely outside.

Friday, July 21, 2006

I Don't Get You

You my friend, are an enigma.
I've known you for so long and still you won't let me understand.
You wrack my brain and you've tread on my heart
And still i keep on caring....

Caring for what you may ask?
For our friendship, for your future, for everything we've ever shared.
(Or maybe it was all in my head)
What was in your head all these years?
I still don't know.

And you say you're the one who needs rescuing......

Saturday, July 08, 2006


I haven't slept in over 30 hours.
By choice, not because of some nagging depressive state of mind that usually keeps me awake because of thoughts i like to wallow in.

I'm not usually as adventurous as people think I am. I like routine. I like looking forward to starting the same consistent cycle in a brand new spanking day.
Which is why I don't really do well with impromptu invitations.
My first impulse is always to decline.
Call me anti-social, but maybe I've gotten used to small groups.
But anyway, some old old ghosts from the past insisted that we meet up, and even as I continually discourage them from wasting any more time and text money on me, they still decided to show up in front of my house anyway.
At 2 in the morning.

So off we went, not having anywhere in particular we were supposed to go to. Ended up driving around alot and even discovered some literal dead ends along the way (blame it on our tipsy driver who started drinking early in the evening. Apparently, they all just felt like going out. Getting out is more like it. Out of life, out of their loves, out of everything that restrains us from being who we truly want to be. How liberating, if only for just a few quick hours.

We ended up at someone's house. Drinking and talking. As usual, I had about one fourth of what everybody else had drunk, but ended up being the reddest come going home time. And speaking of going home time, I got back to my house at 11am. Helluva time to get back to sleep. So I didn't.

Sleep will come to me. But it's gotta catch me first. Haha. I'm still dazed

Tuesday, July 04, 2006


If there were three questions you wish you could ask someone now, whom you won't have the chance to ask ever again, what would it be? Here's mine.

1. Regrets aside, why'd you do it?
2. At what point did you realize that this could be a turning point in your life?
3. What has changed you the most?


I have absolutely no idea what the word "flipflapping" means.
And since it probably doesn't mean anything conclusive, I'm taking it to mean whatever I want to write in this particular entry.

It's a hot day outside. It definitely feels like summer (even though summer was officially over a month and a week ago). I am wearing my fuschia slippers and spanking new orange beach bag to work. it certainly feels like i'm headed to the beach. I wish. It becomes summer everytime i go outdoors on weekends. After dragging myself out of bed to catch a morning gym class, i go home by lunch to make in time to meet up with fellow-minded friends and it becomes summer all over again. Come to think of it, I didn't really get to enjoy summer this year. No sleepovers at weird girls houses, no drinking games, and no funny Korean men trying to hook up in Bora.

I have an article due today and I had my tummy all up in knots worrying if I'll finish it the way I like it. Of course I can get it done, but the point will always be, how satisfied will I be with what I write? So to battle that, I like doing things totally unrelated to my work just to take the edge off and blogging is one of them. Sometimes trying to take your mind off the things that you can't help worry about is EXACTLY what you need to get it done.