Saturday, February 26, 2005

Happy Meals

I believe I am indefinitely cured from whatever that possessed me for the past couple of years.
I believe I am ready to stumble, fall and crack my head (and heart) open again on the cold cold ugly concrete (otherwise known as reality)

I guess I have turned into the opposite of what I had first thought myself to be, a man-indifferent recluse, unbothered by the opposite species.
Now I am now Miss Open-to-whatever-may-be, not exactly boy crazy, but in love with somebody new everyday.

Yesterday, it was Mister Young Passionate Chef, Today, it is (and for the past 3 months actually)Mister Gracefulness (dont ask). Actually, I was hoping I would never end up with a full-blown attraction to this guy, seeing him at dance class every week has been easy, I'd just dismiss him as one of those good looking men who would look awkward anywhere except inside the gym. But today, he surprised the hell out of me when he showed up wearing glasses! And boy, did those glasses seal the deal. You see, he is well-muscled and lean in all the right places, has long black hair the same length as mine, and he dances ever-so-perfectly (I'm pretty content just watching him if I could get away with it). But to look so fit and so intelligent at the same time? Hell, that was too difficult to ignore!

So right now every meal is a happy meal and speaking of which, I am getting very worried about my constant craving for french fries, which i heard (from people who've watched Super Size Me) that it will be the bane of my existence a few years (or months) from now if I continue with such indulgence.

So I bought the meal, ate the fries, got a toy, and what else? ate it with a guilt-free heart!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

My Orgasmic Affair

I interviewed this cute guy yesterday.
He is currently a successful personal chef from Chicago, who grew up in Manila.

I never thought a guy could give you an orgasm just by talking.

He was one of those people who makes a great interview.
Loved to talk about his work and what he has learned. Loved to talk to people because he can learn something new from them, even if it wasn’t about food.
But let me just say, I have never been blown away by any subject matter relating to food except for this one time.

He talked about food he would serve when he was angry, food he would serve when he was seducing someone, in love, heartbroken or gone mad. The kind of food he makes differs with the kind of impact he wants to achieve.

He talked about this unbelievable dessert, a deep dark chocolate mousse which he would put a hole in a middle, put in a scoop of vanilla soy yoghurt (not ice cream, because he promotes good healthy choices) and then he would put 7 different sauces all across the plate to form a rainbow design (kiwi sauce, strawberry, orange, mango and God-know-what-else!). Add some caramelized icicles around it and you’ve painted a picture of a different kind of heaven.
All of this put together to give you an idea of what you’ve been missing out of all this time.

He gave a couple of other strange sounding recipes involving saffron, mascarpone, curry, kamote and shrimps. But I begged him (literally) to stop, not because my stomach was getting hungrier by each word, but because I didn’t want to suddenly develop a craving for this guy.

He’s really pretty nice. He gave me his business card. Said I could contact him anytime. He said he would never forget me because he loved my name (insert “swoon” here)

The sound bite that stuck to me most about him was when he said “My cooking is the same as my making love. It requires the same passion, frequency and compatibility of ingredients.”

Whew. Thank God I didn’t sweat too much on that one (I think).

*Check him out at
(by the way, even though he also goes to the gym a lot. He’s not as young as he looks. As if that matters)

Monday, February 21, 2005

1000 Kimchi

In Korea, they have this delicacy/side dish/food staple called Kimchi. It is made from cabbages and other veggies, then mixed with spicy pepper paste and fish pastes and then compressed inside a stone pot, which is put undergrund for a few days to "develop" a unique taste.

Koreans love their kimchi so much they actually thought up hundreds or so different ways to make it! There's the basic red kimchi and white kimchi and sweet kimchi and even kimchi soup! It all depends on which region you go to, they will have their own unique version of kimchi. Check out the websites and you'll notice that native Koreans also agree that non-koreans will find it hard to develop the same love for kimchi as they do (given that they're weather there is at worst, cool and not hot) I think that if we had snow and winter and the other 3 seasons, then we'd be fans of kimchi too. We'd develop a weird hankering for this strange tasting dish that is very spicy and yet not so very tasty to our tongues (although it can never compare to our kare-kare and basic adobo! They love spicy food and even spicy snacks (think of siopao with sili inside) because it helps them bear their weather better. I wish I could go around wearing a thick neon pink winter coat all day too.

I think people think up of different ways to do things in order to help them adapt to certain things. Maybe the people in the Upper northern section of Korea find it hard to come across peppers, so more white kimchi is made there than on any other part of the country. The point i'm driving at is not that I am going to go on and on about this, but rather that I see myself adapting the same ways with regards to what I am lacking right now.

Specifically speaking, I am lacking him.
But it's really funny how I keep bumping into all sorts of people from my past whom I think the Big Guy up there is trying to send my way so as to distract me from my current and eternal obsession. Not that I am attracted to them anymore. In fact, I feel sad knowing they will never be as appealing as they once were to me. Kinda makes me shudder thinking about what wouldve happened had I ended up with any of these men, only to lose all interest in them a few years later.

I have been called up, buggered through text messages, stopped in the road, asked out for lunch and still, I am not biting. Like a lazy fish whose gobbled up too may thin worms, I refuse to take the bait. A good friend specifically ordered me not to think too much about this, but I just can't help but to wallow.

I went crazy last Sunday and hied off to Divisoria in the middle of the afternoon with my unknowing cousins in tow. Used up all my money buying my version of local kimchi fare (korean movies, series, products). It satisfied my longing, for now. I am broke, but happy. still sad, but not alone.

"If you always spend your time thinking about how to get over the past, how the hell are you going to get on with your future?!"

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Panna Cota and Paella

My weekend seems to be starting off well enough.

Work is fun. I got to see my friends. I have put an end to my perennial craving for ice monster (instead for the usual corn with tapioca teaser, I got myself a nice big Cookies and Cream!). I have decided to stay put for the meantime. We had meetings til 9pm, so no gym time for me that day (I didn't mind so much, which was really weird). As a treat, my boss treated me and the staff out for Spanish buffet at Eastwood for late dinner. Lotsa, seafood paella, roast beef, grilled tuna, yummy panna cota (which wasn't the authentic stuff I get at Bellini's, but rather a peachy mousse kind of thing) That was all great food, considering I still don't know what to make of my pay yet.

Come saturday....

Me and my best friend went back to last day of the U.P fair. It was packed, with a slow line that seemed to stretch out towards the entire diameter of sunken garden. Compared to my first visit last Thursday,when everyone was already happy just food-tripping or getting their weird henna tattoos. apparently, tonight everyone wanted to be there before it actually ended.

I didn't get to smoke my strawberry cigarettes though. I bummed a few then gave a silent prayer offering in memory of whom this entire stupid ceremony was meant for. Just like last year, it has left me again hopeless, helpless and bleeding. Real tears, just like the ones shed over 3 years ago apparently have not run out of stock. But the heart is getting too old for this kind of unwarranted drama.

Yes, I am old. I am not bitter. But I am certainly not letting go of this anytime soon. I keep asking myself "Why is it that everytime I break up with someone, I feel like they were all a prelude to him?" They all just led up to the stupid fact that I was just suspending my longing for a few months or even weeks? I am not a bad person. I try to love as deeply, sincerely and as everlasting as I can, but it all goes back to you-know-who. Fuck you for leaving me this way. You and your unforgettable, irreplaceable ways.

I hope this feeling passes soon. I don't want to tear myself into too many shreds that noone can piece together.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

In-between (again)

I am used to quitting jobs. Really.
It's not like a relationship, wherein there are emotional attachments.
With work, it's either I end up liking it or not. If not, then I leave

But this was the first time I ever had a boss break down and cry in front of me.
Not just because of me, mind you. But I was probably the last straw in a slew of frustrating events in our magazine. (apparently, i later found out that she was the type to break down in the office more often than you can imagine, kinda funny if you ask me) But she's a really sweet lady
So I ended up not exactly leaving, but my foot's still halfway out the door.
I am staying, but I am also accepting another offer coming my way today.

I wish jobs and relationships came this easy. I could be in or out, not mediocre at all. I wouldn't feel nostalgic, withdrawn or devastated inside just because of a job. I would bounce back immediately and delve into another new opportunity. I wish It was all that easy.

But if I was just as lucky getting into a really great relationship as I am in finding really cool jobs, then I'd be set for life. But I know I can't have it all. I got the "Good Job Karma" stick. I'm trying to be just as happy. Because my life isn't so bad at all. :)

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Strawberry cigarettes

I have this unspoken tradition of mine.
I "celebrate" it by myself every year, under the stars, with a pack of strawberry cigarettes.

I like wide open spaces that remind me of him.
Places where we fought, the place where we met.
Everything so wide open.
But it's been too long, and now I can't exactly remember how he looked like, how he felt like when we touched.
But I do remember who or what is not him. and that is everybody and everything else.

Ah, why couldn't I just have felt this sad on Valentine's Day? Just like everybody else who was less than happy.
Why do i have to feel this sad on one of the happiest days in sunken garden?
Because he didn't leave me on Valentine's day. Although we fought alot on then.

I don't know why he even agreed to meet up with me then, we had freshly broken up (one of the many many times that we did) and I asked if he wanted to go to the UP fair instead. We got there, we were both quiet. And I hate quiet. Because back then, the only time he was quiet was when he didn't know how to say something (in English). So this time he was quiet because he didn't want to speak.

I can only remember walking around happy groups of people wishing I could imbibe a little bit of what they were feeling. I remember picking a fight, just so he would talk, throwing my car keys in the grass (which frustrated the hell out of him because he had to find it). We went home holding hands, but not hearts. He was leaving the country in a few days and wouldn't be back.

The next day, I went back to that fair by myself. So frustrated, It took me a couple of attenpts to light the cigarette I was trying to smoke while making my way throught the young crowd of students from here and there. Then I realized what my problem was, I was lighting the wrong end of the stick! That made me realize wht a wreck he made me into.

So tonight, there again I will be, with my strawberry cigarettes. Trying to push away these feelings of hurt still left inside of me.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Digging up the (double) dead

I have a new sordid story to tell....

Growing up, my aunt once had a doberman who died of old age. It was a big dog who could put his paws on her shoulders when he stood up, as if wanting to dance.
So they buried it in the backyard during the night. The next morning, they found out that someone had dug it up and stole the body of their beloved dog (i forgot the name)

So they thought it was one helluva mystery. Who would have any interest in a dead watchdog? Somebody told them that the family driver was seen that same night, chopping up large chunks of meat. Their suspicions were confirmed when that same man later remarked a few days after "So I guess it's true what they say about local meat tasting better than foreign ones." What a troglodyte.

They didnt bother reprimanding the poor guy. Dogs will hate him forever.

Ah Life.

I have no worthy personal notes of Valentine's Day.
It was nice to see so many happy women walking around with roses though. :)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Blue Onion and Green Mango shakes

Not quite a yummy combination, but this title kinda sums up my entire action-packed weekend.

Had an exhausting saturday, not just because of preparations for a magazine launch party, but also since I really wanted to squeeze in some gym time and a little shopping (Got two pairs of really cool brand new shoes, slacks and two tops, all bought in a record time of 30 minutes!) This always happens to me. I end up finding a job that affords me spending money, yet I cant seem to find the time to actually go out and enjoy it! So I'm overcompensating. Which will mean I'll be broke before I get my first pay.

So anyway, the event started at 8:30pm and i was there since 3pm so you can guess how icky i felt come start of the program. It was in a bar called Blue Onion in Eastwood city. First time I had ever been in there. But it was fun. I even won a designer blouse in the raffle!I love freebies. who doesnt right?

Sunday was a daze, was supposed to go to our choir's outreach program at 8am, but could not psych myself up in time to get there. Ended up going to the mall and carnival with my cousins who were visiting form the States. Crazy fun, except I simply cannot handle rides which involve me losing all control of my body. Its a miracle I didn't throw up. Almost did though. My cousin even caught everything on video. Sneaky bastard.

Dinner was great, someone sent up baskets and baskets of green mangoes from Pangasinan. We made them into gallons and gallons of shakes. Oh yum!

Tomorrow, me and my new boss will talk about my actual pay. I have been going to the office since Wednesday! I'm not all excited about it (this being the third world economy that it is), but lets just hope that they give me an offer wherein I won't have to consider other offers of employment.

Tomorrow is Valentine's day and I am happy. Not because I have a date, but because I am not broke, I got to spend time with people I missed so much, I am employed by unbelievably nice people and I am going shopping for my favorite korean stuff this week! :)

Monday, February 07, 2005

Potato Salad with mustard

Yesterday was a day well spent. In fact it was too well spent that I can't bring myself to go out today. I guess one could say it was a perfect day. How so?

My All-Time recipe for a Perfect day:
3 parts FOOTBALL (played under the scorching sun starting at 12:30nn.crazy shit!)
7 parts FRIENDSHIP (had the best possible home-cooked dinner with several good friends)
2 parts KIMCHI (met a new korean friend and got to catch up on my usual obsessions)
And lots and lots of Good food!!!! (can't beat andre's angel hair pasta with tomatoes and a "hint" of tuna, Their mother's special fruitcake with tutti-frutti ice cream which they brought straight from New York!, Honeylette & Jason's potato salad with mustard, which was the first thing to get wiped out(courtesy of moi!). Me and Fugsy pants made fruit salad with corn, which was by far the corniest (pun intended hehe) stuff there!

Another thing, i love washing dishes at my friends' house. It makes me feel like family. I think I have such great friends too. enuf' said.

I know i promised to write about my gym, but some new things have come up. I think I am finally employed! Although I only have to work three times a week, I have been put in charge of a new magazine! It is exciting, yet scary because I am very chicken shit (even though I try to never show it).

Lastly, it is also my very cute cousin's birthday tomorrow!!! Happy Birthday Chrisket! I know you actually take the time to read my ramblings, so heres to you my favorite cuz, all the way from Quezon City to San Jose!!! Maligayang Bati :)

Friday, February 04, 2005


As of today, I have applied for at least half a dozen jobs already.
Some online, some through friends' referrals (God bless their souls), some through the mass-saturated (ugh) classified ads.
I have also turned down four job offers already (and in the process have either majorly ticked off or disappointed important people who would have been my future employers).

And these were not just run-of-the-mill jobs, mind you.
Some required a brain-and-a-half to just be considered. These would've been great opportunities,
if it weren't for my total lack of interest.

It's not that I don't want to start working again, it's just that I can't seem to find a job I'd be amenable to staying with for the next couple of years or so. I am lost yet again.

I figured I could become a freelance gardener and just mow different lawns everyday. That would definitely lower if not totally extinguish my impending hi-blood in the near future. I'd probably live longer with a job like that, although I wouldn't be able to afford stuff like my favorite Ice Monster shit and the occasional kimchi goodies splurge.

I am so not focused right now. in fact, the only time I am forced to be focused is when I am memorizing the steps in my dance class! (heaven forbid I should be outdone by those other headless gym rats when i studied ballet for four and a half years!).

Anyway, this leads me to what my next entry wil be all about. My very revered gym.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Just something to read (which I didn't write)

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me your darn chain letters over the
past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people
who make these products are atheists who refuse to put
"Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will
get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked with a needle infected with

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though
I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will
drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the
phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the
estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will
take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub
full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change
once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me and St Theresa's novena has
granted my every wish.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my
prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends
and make a wish within five minutes. (Jeeze, the BIBLE
did not mention it works that way!)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and
AOL are sending me for participating in their special
e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for
looking out for me!

I will now return the favor. If you don't send this
e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds,
a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at
5:00 pm this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand
camels will infest your armpits.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to
a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin
twice removed.


I talked to a ghost last night
One from the past, whom I never thought I'd meet again.
Funny how when he was so alive, he scared me a whole lot more.

Now he's made his presence felt yet again, out-of-the-god-forsaken-blue
He tells me he finally wants to write a book
"You should edit it" he says
And thats when I don't know what to say.

So I said yes and now were linked together again cosmically, for some indefinite period of time (depending on how well he writes)
For whatever reason that Fate wants me to revisit this twisted moment from our past,
I can only say, I am scared.

Scared because he has always been my snake in the garden of Eden, Temptation itself.

He who has always been unattainable, yet always within physical reach.
Him who tells me he wanted to be with me, yet left anyway
He who likes to talk about deep and dark things, yet accused me of being too cerebral for his taste
Him who I put so much faith into, yet could not have enough faith in himself
He who I missed like crazy, at a certain point in time.

I am scared, yes. But I know that deep down inside, I am also happy.
Because he came back to me, this time as a friend, almost like family.
Even though he's got a family of his own already.

Sometimes some things just seem spooky.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Just a bunch of coconuts

My best friend told me that somebody literally got crucified last weekend because of a bunch of coconuts.

My best friend lives in his grandparent's massively creepy house which has alot of tall coconut trees in its frontage and not enough people to guard the whole place. Apparently, this one monkey dude thought it smart to climb these trees and steal some of their coconuts. But he wasn't content with climbing one tree, so he climbed one after another til he was left with the biggest tree of them all. To bad he lost his grip way up high.

Now another thing about my best friend's house is that there are rails and rails of barbed wire and spikes all over (they also have a gun at home because they are constantly playing cowboys and indians with unwanted "visitors" every so often). Now the monkey dude, not only fell inside the perimeter of their house, but he also fell into the spikes.I heard it pierced through both his arms. Aw!

My best friend's family helped him out but now he's milking them for as much as he can! When he's not there trying to give them a guilt trip, he sends other people to "collect" for him! What audacity!

Now for other things, I love coconuts too (except the kind stolen from my best friend's house). I always drink them fresh and eat the soft pulp later. In Meteor Garden 2, Two of the lead characters (Axin and Yesha) love coconuts so much (thats all they could afford anyway) that they got diarrhea the next day! Anyway, I don't see the point why I'm mentioning this, I just needed to get that Jerry Yan parallel fact in.