Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Me

This wasn't originally my first imagined entry for 2009.
I already had about three long paragraphs typed up when my cousin's computer decided my writing was lame and closed all its programs without waiting for me to save it first. I guess I must agree. There is something unsatisfying when you don't write. I mean, it's still writing, but it's not the writing I want to do. It's not exactly that creative when your just chronicling what happened during the day.

The day I had been waiting for has finally come. And it came in with a very big bang. Actually, my last few days for 2008 was pretty nice too. Finished enough work on the 30th to keep my time free til the weekend. Then some of my friends all agreed to meet up and catch the last full show later that night followed by a nice midnight snack without alcohol. Didn't even realize how fast time went until I got home. Forgot my house keys (which always happens when I get brain-drained and too excited to go out), which meant I would make one sleepy household member very cranky. I felt guilty about that but it was worth it. Nothing beats getting the chance to spend time with good people. And sadly, that is something I don't get to do very often.

The 31st had me awake before lunch. Even though it was raining a bit, the guys wanted to meet up again early afternoon to practice some throws before getting caught up in the new year's eve preparations. Another unexpected treat was I got to see someone I don't usually see. I don't really know or talk to this person as well as the others but for some reason, things are always a little bit nicer when they're there. I bet some people don't realize how much of a blessing their presence is. How happy they can make others just by being themselves, no other effort involved. I think it's so cool how people have the power to help inspire and uplift another person. They become a blessing of sorts. Well anyway, that person did show up and we did get to chat a bit for a change. Not that anything is different. But it was just nice, doing that under the rain. I know I've always kept a distance from the people I like because it's better that way for me. There's simply something poetic (and safe) about admiring from afar.

Anyway, due to prior plans, I had to leave the group earlier. Me and my cousins had planned to do last-minute fireworks shopping (which is the best kind of shopping when it comes to fireworks as the prices start dropping the later it gets into the night). We went to what was usually a wet market that had been transformed into a fireworks center. Even the neighborhood police were double-parked on the street trying to buy stuff. We had already been set on getting sparklers, roman candles and those cute Pop-pops (little harmless balls of energy that make a popping sound when you throw it on the floor or step on it. A more modernized form of watusi). It was a crazy scene as vendors and buyers were trying to break each other down with the haggling. But as I eventually found out (more on this later), sometimes it's not always for the best to get a good discount on something as volatile as fireworks.

As always, dinner was a simple but cozy affair. Since we we're all still feeling majorly stuffed since Christmas, we usually just cook a big pot of yummy chicken congee to tide us over for the night. For perennially-hungry tummies like mine, there is always a fridge full of holiday leftovers to choose from. This was more than enough to satisfy our midnight and after-midnight snack cravings. The major fireworks action started happening a quarter to midnight so everyone went up to the top floor to welcome 2009. I bet noone in the entire Philippines was planning to sleep any earlier than 1am that night. You simply don't do that. Everyone wants to be awake when the new year comes in. And it's not as if you can sleep any earlier with all the noise around you anyway. December 31st has got to be the longest day ever for everyone because it extends past its 24 hour schedule. It can also be one of the most tiring and exciting days to prepare for too. Then January 1 becomes sort of just half of a day because everyone wakes up around lunch time and is too groggy to to do anything else worth remembering.

The Pop-pops we're a real hit, with even my 88-year-old grandmother having a blast throwing those little things around. My very adventurous aunt even wanted to experiment and see if it would still pop if we throw it at each other (this brilliant idea was immediately nixed when my guy cousin realized the experimentation would all be directed at him.) The sparklers made for nice pictures and provided cool ambiant light for the photos, but they were basically just, uh, sparkly. The roman candles proved to be a revelations as they were anything but what we expected. We bought two bunches of a dozen sticks each. The first few ones had the usual effect of colorful balls of spark flying out of them (thank god, because anything more and the older folks might've had a heart attack ). But I lit one and it exploded. I automatically let go but still felt the impact. I pretended it was nothing (while at the same time secretly checking if all my toes and fingers we're still intact through the smoke) but even my uncle heard it from the second floor and went up to ask if everyone was alright. This was noticeable because noone ever buys things that go *BANG* in that house. I picked up that defective roman candle (which I suspect wasn't defective at all. Maybe the maker decided to add one crazy stick in the bunch to enlighten our supposedly lame celebration. Kind of like when they add a bonus track to your favorite CD. Although in this case, you use it at the risk of one of your little piggies).

Turns out there was more than one surprise in that bunch, which was why nobody except me and my other crazy cousin wanted to start lighting the other bunch. With just the two of us left, we weighed the consequences of whether ending up in the ER (they live a block away from a good hospital anyway :P) as compared to the high potential for crazy but dangerous fun. We ended up deciding that we couldn't let it go to waste (haha, there was no contest from me actually. I just needed a devil's advocate to tell me to keep on lighting away). We vowed to keep happy despite the obvious risks (bad, baaaad, i know). At first, we just lit the sticks we put on the ledge, but it kept moving in crazy directions, so then we decided to plant it in the pots. This was better as some of them still exploded and for this, we decided to hide behind one of the plastic chairs as a precaution (which was still stupid since it could fly right into us anyway). There was this one outstanding piece which literally blew up even all the way into the handle. It makes me shudder thinking what could've happened if someone was actually holding it. No more discounted fireworks for us next year. But I'm adding a Crying Cow (a noisy but harmless treat), more Pop-pops and baby rockets to the list next December though.

So there. Happy new year and goodbye to the same old me.
Things have to change. And things will change anyway, whether I like it or not. But there are also so many good things around me right now that it's hard not to notice how thankful I really should be. And if last night's wake-up call was any indication, the first thing I should be happy about is that I get to keep all my toes and fingers again this year.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Holiday Hodgepodge

With Buddy Holly blaring in the background, the rhythmic clinking of forks and spoons over a good dinner with the family and my very satisfied tummy sending happy signals to my brain, everything just seems alright in the world.

At this very moment, I do not have a care with whatever's going on outside, as evidenced by:

1. I don't even know where my mobile phone is or feel the overwhelming urge to text anyone back (even the cute ones). This is quite a feat since I consider my phone an added appendage which I can attach and re-attach at will.

2. I can't tell what day it is. Whether it's Thursday or Saturday, doesn't feel important. My mental calendar is all messed up. Except for my weekly deadlines, time is immaterial right now anyway. It doesn't even matter what time it is. I sleep late, wake up late and will probably end up looking more like a zombie after this holiday break is over.

3. The gym seems like a foreign faraway land I plan to visit, but not this year. Anyway, I know I should be resting more so this dangblasted cold and cough will go away but I just cant seem to bring myself to bed at a decent hour. Hence, all the more time for my much-neglected blog.

4. I can't believe I got lured into doing some holiday shopping today. Blame it on the sports hiatus til new year. December in the Philippines is probably the only time when the congestion in the malls is worse than it is in the street traffic. I'm the kind of person who tries to finish my gift list by October at the latest, but somehow today I ended up going to a jampacked mall and surprisingly, I actually got to buy things I've been eyeing while I was too busy buying gifts for other people. What's worse was just when I was about to convince myself that that was the last purchase for the day, I end up seeing one more thing I absolutely have to get, regardless if it had a xmas discount or not! Well there goes the rest of my paycheck....

5. If I were to be asked to leave the house right now, I would not even bother changing my pink flannel pajama bottoms and wife-beater top (but I'd change into new underwear, of course). There isn't even any food stains on it. Not yet, at least. On the same vein, me and my cousins went on a midnight snack run a few days ago and I dared my whacko cousin (bad idea) to go out without changing (in this case, she was currently wearing jeans, a shirt, Hawaiian housedress, a plastic lei and to top it all off, her spanking new blue ukelele that she just recieved for Christmas. The plan was just to go to Starbucks, but after driving around for a while, it finally dawned on us that no coffee shop franchise (sosi or not) was going to remain open for Christmas eve. So after looking at all the closed Starbucks, Coffee Beans, Gloria Jeans, Figaros, and even the usual dependable 24-hour Mickey Dees, we ended up agreeing that the newly-opened David's Tea House near the house was the only viable option for the night (either that, or we make our own snacks at home.). So we got there a little before midnight and since I refused to be seen walking into that place with "Inday," me and my other cousin watched them enter first. But before they could, two young-looking well-dressed guys (who I assume were the owners) stopped them. Me and my other cousin couldn't stop laughing our guts out! We had assumed Inday got stopped because she honestly looked like she just escaped from the looney bin. (I don't think she even bothered combing her hair, mana sa akin haha.)

But as it turns out, we were mistaken. It was almost closing time, so we eventually got to go in on the condition that we were the last order for the day. We even got a 20% discount since it was their first day. Sweet! It felt like a second Noche Buena that day what with all the noodles, congee, dumplings, chicken and that delicious salt & pepper fried tofu (which I will definitely go back for!). Too bad we forgot to bring a camera.

6. I've been catching up on all the kimchi flicks that I seem to get cathartic pleasure from. I got to finish Korea's Le Grand Chef and Taiwan's About Love. I'm currently halfway with another Seoul movie, Crazy Waiting. And just for good measure, I think I'll watch Love Phobia and Fly Me to Polaris one more time too!

Weekend Plans:
I'm still iffy about the 8am calltime to practice throwing discs at the nearby university tomorrow. Unless I sleep within the hour, I doubt I'll feel awake enough to go. I think I need more impetus to show up. Which makes me wonder, would it make any difference if I knew a certain someone was going to be there too?

Sunday is an outreach day. I miss the outreach events my old choir used to organize. Small-scale but just as meaniingful nonetheless. And I wasn't able to participate in one last year, so I gotta do double time this year. We're heading to a center for sexually abused women somewhere in the South. Thank you God for letting me meet new wonderful people that give opportunities to do things like these with.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas stalkings

"Finally, after all the presents have been opened, the noche buena has been eaten, and the guests have gone...."

Awwwwww fuck it.
Fudge, I was thinking of starting off this entry with an 'ole Father Christmas-like tone, all nostalgic and warm, but I just can't do it right now. I barely got enough sleep (my fault entirely). I've been subsisting on grilled sweet ham sandwiches for over 24 hours (and counting...) and I am now deadset on finishing reading a friend's old blog from end to end. It has entries from over seven years ago which I accidentally discovered online. ("Accidentally" here is a loose term which I choose to mean that I searched and found the link to it deliberately. Call me psycho, I know). No big reason for the research, just plain old curiousity, I guess. That, and the fact that it's really interesting how significant the changes one can undergo give or take a few years. This person's quirks are very interesting. Not out-of-this-world, but enough for me to bother reading about up til the wee hours of Christmas morn.

It's almost year's end and I am so glad to feel that I have not caused hurt, offended or inflicted pain on anybody else other than myself. Even if it happened indirectly, I feel sad for those who choose to think that way instead of assuming the more positive, kinder choice on what to believe.
It feels good to live this way. Living the way you want without really using, abusing or punishing others.

Now achieving Happiness may be a different kind of pursuit altogether, but being at peace with yourself requires almost no effort if you feel no guilt. The world can be pretty tricky, you can offend it just by being who you are and still, it takes that against you. But that doesn't mean you are in the wrong. It just means that some people aren't born with the understanding of appreciating your individuality. But I will never be a headless chicken. Maybe I could be the purple cow, but never the chicken. WTF?

This year, I tried not to be so disappointed in people. In previous years I would've tried not to get angry when I realized anger is a useless, expensive emotion that drains not just your body but the mind as well. And then when I went a notch down to just being disappointed at people who have done me wrong, I realized that disappointment was a sad thing to feel for people as well. Disappointment has a way of lingering with you even longer than anger ever will. Sometimes I can get pissed at someone and then totally forget about it within the same day. But disappointment hangs in there, reminding me constantly of how I was so badly let down. So now, I say, if I can help it, let's skip the anger and disappointment and just write off things as just that. Here is my personal mission-statement of sorts that I plan to use when it comes to understanding and accepting the reality of less-considerate individuals.

1. People make mistakes, but sometimes they can't help it and they'd probably take it back if they could. (i hope)

2. People say mean things, but not everybody can be an editor and words are a tricky business. That's why good writers are hard to find.

3. People are fickle creatures. They can change their mind in an instant, whether it be about their jobs, sports, friends and even family. Yes, they can even quit their loved ones, if they really wanted to. That's the freedom they have as a living body with an independent brain and a heart. Who knows, maybe in the long run, the decision was for everybody's benefit after all.

4. People don't realize the effect they have on others, based on what they do or DON'T do. Not everyone is a sensitive genuis. and in the same vein, not everything a person says or does or doesn't do have to be necessarily connected to you. For this, you'll just have to write off the rest of the clueless population as a nice, naive bunch of dense logs, haha. If you want something known, then be upfront. Guessing is kid's play.

5. People can be hard to understand. Sometimes, it's because they don't want to be understand. And other times, it's because they get so messed up inside that they don't know what else to do. I know someone who makes it so hard for his friends to be friends with him. But that doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to be friends with us, he just can't help but be crazy frustrating most of the time. Normal people just do that when they have their whacked-out or depressed days.

These are just some of the learnings I wanted to jot down while my brain cells still feel like they're in work mode. This post didn't turn out as bitter or jaded as I first thought it would be. I'm going to try and steer away from that tone now as much as possible because there are a million more glorious happy things to write about out there. And I really shouldn't dwell on the familiar anymore. It stinks in the pit of despair. Hella boring too.
Thank God for good friends, family, constant opportunities, and a unwavering, nagging passion to push on with life everyday.

So I guess life can be good, if I wanted it to be.

Merely Christmas

It's 3am Christmas day and I'm still up (but not necessarily about).
Funny that I've gotten so lax on blogging even though I've already been working for a website for over a year now. I could say there's just too many things happening, as usual. But then again, isn't there always some one thing or another happening? It's just a cop out.

Truth is, I really wanted this year to be not just good, but great. Any other year I probably would've been content with a not-so-sucky 12 months, but this year, for some reason, it was just crucial for me that it wouldn't be a bomb. Now I just can't wait for it to be over.

Looking back at my last entry six months ago, I know I was able to accomplish most of what was on my mid-year wishlist. I indulged in a new sport and even got to be part of three finals games because of it. I got to travel and go on a nice little adventure on my time and terms. The only thing I still haven't mastered up to now is reigning in my mind on matters of the heart. Harmless crushes aside, I should stop being affected anymore. I'm getting too old for that. I won't say any more on this because it'll only come out like a sad sorry pile of mush. Which is what it is, actually. I need to work on that part. Especially now.

Quite honestly, there's a lot to be happy about from the past few months. I've lost more weight from all the running than I have from sweating it out in the gym. I've learned to eat healthier with a little help from the chirpy persistent nutritionist at my gym. I've met a wonderful new community of athletes and religious individuals who are just so sincere and welcoming that it makes me feel guilty for not being even half as nice as they are. I envy these kinds of people. Those who can be light and carefree company. Because I know I can never be me who will be described like that. But then again, they're lucky to not have to go through things that will change them growing up. Harder, sadder, more painful things. Things that will break you but eventually strengthen you. I can't complain. I did get smarter after all. I think.

Now christmas this year at the family house was subdued, as always. They had early dinner because their guests apparently had other parties to go to come dinnertime. I opted to demur from the 5pm calltime as I have always hated having this wonderful traditional meal being moved hella earlier at the dictate of someone else's social schedule. I hate to say it, but I always resented it when even the opening of the presents had to be done right after dinner because everyone had to sleep early because they were going out of town the following day to go to the province. Why did I have to feel cheated out of enjoying my Christmas eve because of somebody else's plans? Christmas isn't merry when it feels pressured to be finished early, no sir deifnitely not.

Anyway, I've finally figured out the one New Year's Resolution I want to keep for next year. It's so simple I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier. It's one of those stupid things anybody can start doing at any time of the year, but I just think the start of a year is the best time to feel like a clean slate again. No wonder I can't wait to put 2008 behind me.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Mid-year Resolutions (better late than never....)

I feel good.
In fact, I haven't written anything for myself for the past two months
not because of lack of anything to say,
but rather because there's just so many things going on
that I'd rather attend to.
Suddenly, picking my thoughts seems too tedious a process
(this, from a girl who is constantly getting accused of "overanalyzing.")
Definitely, I want this year to be a landmark year for me.
I want to do many things and step far, far away from my comfort zone.
I want to embrace feeling awkward and uncomfortable
and see where it takes me.
I want to see what it feels to be someone else for a change.
Even if that someone else turns out to be the real me.
How is this going to happen?
Well, let's see....

1. I'm going to backpack my way through an asian country with
no schedule, no credit card and no companions.
This, I must admit, is an exciting and scary concept at the same time.
Not that I haven't ever done it before.
I've gotten lost many many times, but for some reason, this is really a big deal for me.
Hopefully, it'll be the fastest way to clear my head.
I also want to shake off this funk I've been dealing with
since early this year.
On the lighter side,
being by myself allows me to plot out my trip exactly the way I want it.
Sometimes, there's a certain kind of comfort in knowing
you can't possible disappoint, irritate or blame someone else for your own mistakes.

2. I'm diving into a new sport that I used to really hate.
Truth is, I really dislike running.
I have always hated the treadmill and avoided it with a vengeance
whenever I hit the gym.
I find the repetitive motions boring, monotonous and just oh-so-blah.
But lately, surprisingly, all I want to do is run.
I found a compromise with the treadmill dilemma
by running at alternating speeds from a light jog to a full sprint
(which makes me look like a maniac with crazy bangs in the gym by the way).
Bottom line is, I have never lost weight as fast as this.
So if thats what its going to take, then running it is, for now.

3. I'm not going to be scared of the future anymore.
So what if things turn even more difficult than they already are?
So what if they do?
Things happen no matter what we say or think or feel,
so I might as well face it with enough positivity to get through it.
No way am I going back to being a stick-in-a-mud anymore.
Takes too much effort to be sad anyway.
Hopefully, everything I do now,
as long as its in good taste,
will have positive effects in the future.

4. I'm going to stop looking for Mr. Right
For me, Mr. Right is a myth.
There is no right or wrong person for anybody.
There are only people willing to love
and stay no matter what kind of person you are or turn out to be.
It can go without saying that I also have to be the kind of person
who is loving too.
But it's a tricky subject and there really is no concrete plan to follow.
Sometimes I mistake familiarity with love.
One of the gazillion ways it can be misread.
But either way, I'm just going to be thankful for them
who took some time in their lives to stay and love me,
even it was just for a while.
Pretty emo, I know.
But then again, that's just me.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Goodbye Pink Eye

I just came back from a weeklong trek all over the northern part of the country. It definitely did me alot of good.
I got to do alot of things for the very first time.
Which is always a good remedy when there are certain things you want to forget.

Within the same hour me and my friends returned to the city, I was back in the office and feeling totally out of it.
As much as I miss the urban jungle, I should've used better judgment and rested it out for the rest of the day.
This stubborness, plus the fact that I stayed up later that night uploading stuff I should've put off at a later time, ended up with me getting a pink eye for the very first time.

It's not so bad. It doesn't hurt or itch or anything else associated with sore eyes. It wasn't even that red. I probably looked like a lush with a horrible hangover to most folks.
The worst part was just feeling conscious knowing that I didn't look alright (which is tough enough considering I havent been feeling all that great lately either).

Anyway, the weeklong experience opened my eyes to unfamiliar sights and challenging activities.
I can't believe Im actually starting to enjoy the outdoors.
Not that I've turned into a mountaineer overnight, but all that spelunking and nature-tripping definitely had its effect on me. No wonder so many people get addicted to it.

I once dated a mountaineer.
I never could understand what he saw in a city rat like me.
Maybe it was because we both loved soccer and literature (not exactly in the same order)
Or maybe because attraction just works that way, I guess.
It was good while it lasted.
Now, he's all settled down and probably conquering new heights in a foreign land.
While I'm over here just starting to see the beauty in even the smallest mole hills.
I find that thought pretty cool.
It's never too late to discover a new happiness.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Blah, blah, blahs....

This has been a less-than-productive week out of all my unproductive weeks so far this year. Blame it on my ear ache, my heartache or whatever the hell these aches are stemming from. Not that I’m not getting anything done. I am. But it just doesn’t feel like I’m moving towards anything. I need to map out something reachable, something feasible and most importantly, something that won’t disappear on me in a blink of an eye.

I really really hate those kinds of surprises.

What I’d hate more is for my blog to turn out to be some sort of extension of my journal at home (which, in a way, it is) but at the same time, it isn’t. But the fact is, there’s really nothing much I want to write about. I’ve been sick. Started when I had to get up at a godawful hour last Sunday after getting only two hour’s sleep to cover this bike festival in Subic.

That was the day I spent with someone’s ex-boyfriend. Or is it more succinct to say someone else’s soon-to-be boyfriend? You know how you sometimes wonder what your ex is doing and who he is with? Well, I was with this guy (who I admit is quite a catch, although that is another story altogether…) and I kept thinking, I wonder who’s thinking about him right now. Silly, right? But it kinda put things in perspective for me. It’s just nuts to think that the guy I so wanna be with is probably doing crazy things with any girl he’s with that’s not me (Ouch).

So there we were, covering an event. But I guess it’s more fun to think of it as a day trip.
When we got to Subic, it turned out that the first event, which was a cross-country race at El Kabayo Falls, actually entailed going up a hill and into that bloody trail to do interviews and find nice spots. Halfway up the “trek” (I consider it as such since my top was already drenched halfway up), I felt like “Hey, wait a minute. This is anything BUT a bike race coverage!” But what the heck, I needed the distraction anyway. A few Gatorades later and I was happy again.

After that, we checked out the BMX finals (which was delayed by a record four hot-as-hell hours because not enough bikers had signed up) and then watched the Four cross finals mainly because world champ Brian Lopes was there. He wasn’t in a good mood though. Probably the heat was getting to him. I'd really like to think that, because otherwise, I thought he was such an a** to talk to.

Anyway, the drive back to Manila was smooth and traffic-free (I love Sundays!). We got to try out that new highway that leads straight to Clark from SBMA and I felt like I was back in one of those California freeways again. Although it does seem kinda sad that the government had to bulldoze through about a dozen little mountains to make that one straight road, it does make life a little easier for everyone (as long as you don't think about the toll, which we didnt have to worry about since it was free that week).

We saw an Aeta family walking along the highway during sunset and my photographer friend couldn’t resist stopping and taking some shots of them. I, on the other hand, couldn’t resist falling asleep. But I know how it feels to drive alone and tired, so I thought I’d do my best to keep him company by keeping my mouth busy with some chips.

Monday was a holiday, which saved me from having to call in sick anyway and all the other days leading up to this day was just one big blur. I just can’t say why.

Friday, March 28, 2008

The Forever Flush

A big part of what goes into my writing is hinged upon being able to come up with a good title first. Even if I dont feel like writing, as long as I have a catchy title, then I believe everything else will just fall into place...

Take today for instance. I've been wanting to post something new again but I've just been too stumped on what heading to use. Then I went to the comfort room to take a "tinkle" and then realize that I've been waiting for my bowl to stop flushing for the past three minutes. Thank God it stopped. I don't know about other people but I've always felt that there's something off about leaving your cubicle when the flushing ain't done.Maybe I'm paranoid someone will see my shit (literally haha) even though I didnt do the number two.

I never could understand how some people can just leave a bathroom they've just used looking like a pigsty (my apologies to the swine). Be it in a KFC outlet in Quiapo (which is kinda more understandable since some people who use it aren't even restaurant patrons) or a popular international airport, a high-profile call center, a posh magazine company or a bigshot television network, there will always be at least one or two stalls looking like it was just used by a four-legged thing. Geez, and you call yourself ladies?!?! Apparently, a diploma and/or an American accent can't guarantee a person cleanliness and consideration for others. (By the way, the SF airport wasn't so bad. Same thing goes for the Manila international AND domestic airports)

I know I've entered the ranting zone again, but it is so disappointing. This isn't even a third-world thing because I've seen bathrooms in America and Europe look just as filthy. Me and my officemate even came up with the theory that the people who mess up our office bathrooms are actually disgruntled employees lashing out at management by giving the poor sanitation workers extra work. I know it sounds far out but it's better than thinking that despite living in the city, we haven't evolved much from the old provincial way of digging fresh holes in the ground (or wait, I could be totally wrong with this and have the people using holes in the ground actually be more neater than us.) Hmmmm......

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Sun Day

Man, it's hot today.
I wouldn't know exactly how hot, since I haven't been out of the house since Thursday.
I've been holed up, boxed in, and every other figurative phrase short of saying I feel like crawling under a rock right now and staying there (It has to be one of those cool heat-repelling rocks though).
Suffice to say, all is not well right now.
But it will be, soon.

I miss going to that 24 hour shake stand in Bora. I refuse to name it now because my friend had a horrible experience there involving a unhospitable server, a not-so-alive something-something in her order, and a somewhat reluctantly given discount. Given their rep, I expected better treatment from that place. But this picture is not about that ill-fated shake. This is one of my regular P60 melon milk shakes that tides me over until the next meal (Post-lunch, pre-merienda.) Looks ordinary, but tastes oh-so heavenly.

I miss my usual mango papaya shakes. Although now, after discovering the unforgivably high sugar content of mangoes, I have been opting for melon as a better partner to my all-time fave papaya. I miss zoning out at the beach. I miss playing frisbee in the water. I miss what can only be described as my half-assed version of what is barely passable as snorkelling (I just like the floating feeling haha). Only when I'm there do I feel like such a kid again, taking naps in between meals and having three part dinners. No wonder most of my budget goes to trying out the new places and going back to my old haunts...

Summer is definitely here.
I've been scanning the local airline websites for good deals (which is never really a great idea if your feeling bad and just want to get away from it all)
I've been putting off trips to Palawan and Sagada for ages.
There's an open invite to go see another favorite cousin in HK until April, but I doubt I'll be headed there. HongKong just isn't HongKong if you can't afford to shop to your heart's delight. God, as much as I love Greenhills, the fashion at Mongkok gives me a whole other level of happiness....

I'm so missing the beach right now.
I like being there because
it's so far from the city (well, my city at least.)
I like being out of touch with my world.
Gotta see some unfamiliar things and shake off what needs to be let go.
Leave it far, far away
remember it. value it.
but then let it be.

Blame it on the Ballet

One day I finally woke up with the firm resolve to stop ignoring myself.
Oh me and my inner disputes...
Now I gotta listen to that teeny little voice that has been warning me about the changes ahead...

And how has it come to this?
Has my life really just become a series of endless gym classes, work appointments (not that I'm complaining) and the daily challenge of finding the most creative ways to kill time?
I've discovered there's not that many ways you can bluff your way through Life.

I don't want to have to look back and wish I could have been better, nicer or smarter about things.
I don't want to wish I had been less giving to others and more selfish about my own happiness.
I don't want to think about who I should have loved better and when was the "perfect time" for it to happen.
I don't want to put a rationale on every single heartbeat (But yes, I agree with Tina Turner. Sometimes, love has nothing to do with it).
In other words, what this basically means, is that I have a helluva lot of thinking to do.....

Thank god for dance class.
It has gotten me through sad times and has even saved me from myself.
It has moved me, challenged me and inspired me.
Without it, I would never know my limitations and my potentials.
It has helped me know myself better, positively or otherwise.

Nowadays, I find myself doing all sorts of moves,;
in the gym, at the dance floor, on the field.
It doesn't matter where. It's still gives me that same familiar high.
I always think, "When in doubt, dance."

This wasn't exactly my perfect choice for my first post for the year.
But I guess some thoughts will still have to remain bottled up inside waiting to be written about.