Today, I have nothing new to say.
No new accomplishments (I'm feeling too inept and hopeless about getting a regular job to write anything worthy of publication right now, To hell with deadlines!!!), no new feelings (still trying to numb things out by hiding out in my cousin's house and being unreachable for a few days).
I haven't even met up with anybody. Not my friends (who are all equally busy with life, love and their secretly sordid hobbies anyway) nor my co-author in this current quasi-relationship. But I am quite happy the way things are going (or stagnating) at the moment. No big changes. No major drama.
I've finally realized that I am most happy when I am with family. Whether I am with them in person, talking with them on the phone, chatting with them overseas or emailing them, I always end up with this cute fuzzy feeling. With family, I can be as inadequate, un-funny and as overly dramatic as I wanna be. I can be whiny, overbearing and impatient (to a certain volcanic point). I can wear (very) unwashed clothing, dance like stupid crazy and laugh like a hyena without anyone getting all weird on me. I am "special" to them in an un-psychiatric kind of way.And that's why they will always be part of me.
Actually, when it comes to blood relations, I have a very small family.
Come to think of it, some of the people I consider as family arent even legally related to me! Family are those guys who choose to take the time to care about me, be concerned about me and make me feel like I matter to them and vice-versa.
These are not obligatory feelings. Just plain solid friendship.
These past two days, I have been lucky enough to catch my cousin from Cali online. He doesn't know it, but I love being in touch with him again! We lost communication after I moved back to the country and now, more than 10 years later, I am relating to him like he just lives in the next city! I really wish I'd been able to grow up with him (were the exact same age). I'd be a better (much nicer) person for sure!
I mean, being apart that long, I'd have assumed he'd treat me like a semi-stranger! But you know what, the first time he emailed me back (I tracked him down on Good ole' Friendster!), he ended his email with the words Much Love (yeah, yeah, I know i'm being mushy-wushy, but it really did make all the difference to me). Dang, the effect reaching out does to someone huh? I guess I'm all the more happier now because of that.
So what's my tall tale for the day?
-Trying to glue together a uncooked blog with no real definition.
-Realizing that family will always come first, not necessarily relatives.
-Giving small, seemingly unimportant things (like time, attention and a little affection) can go a long way for some people (namely, me)
Well maybe they're really not so tall after all.