"How about let's not do this ever again in this lifetime okay?
This was the conclusion I came to, the endpoint of a running conversation I kept having in my head every few years. The untimely (When does it ever really become "timely" anyway?) death of a relationship. The sad sorry time when you pick up the dregs of your former self and hope to God you haven't lost all the pieces yet. Analytical mind? Check. Ability to emphathize? Check. Self deprecating wit? Check. Ability to love again? Check (Thank God). Self-confidence??? Oh shit. I knew I left it somewhere.
Sometimes you reassess the things you do and wonder why you are cursed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Not that choosing to be in love falls directly under that ill-fated category, but choosing to complicate your life with a love too difficult to maintain can quite easily be viewed as illogical to some people (my alter ego included).
Being a woman (ahem), I really don't think a guy should hold a girl up to the last thing she manages to spout off the last time they fought. Stuff said in the most heated (or emotional) of times are never trustworthy. It's not like going to an ukay-ukay and making a decision then and there because you know you'll never find another piece like it in the planet. You don't have the luxury of time to compare it with another store because by the time you come back, it may be gone forever. No, I'd rather compare it to shopping for a mass-produced commodity found in department store chains. You find something you like, but you hold back because you try to find something better. Same with words, you say what you think (even if it's the stupidest lamest things to say) because you felt like it, but in actuality, when you finally get to rehash what had transpired, more than likely you wish you'd brought a mental copy editor to straighten you up. So you may think you were right in saying what you did right then, but for sure you'll find better ways of having said it once you've reviewed what happened.
That didn't make sense. oh well
That's what blogs are for. paper moons and candy clouds...
Endpoint: I've probably said alot of things I am not proud of. One time a budding relationship abruptly ended because of one stupid phrase he would never forgive me for. But I've learned from it. And I'm more deliberate now. (not exactly always in a good way though).