Sunday, May 28, 2006

Many Vested Plots

Sometimes I wonder just how funny things tend to fall into place.

Just like in the movies, I absolutely love it when I have no idea how the ending will turn out (and kudos to Mr. M. Night Shymalan who hasn't disappointed me yet). I'm one of those doofuses who turn off their brains when they go inside the theater and just wanna revel in all the eye candy. (which is why it pisses me off when people get too critical, but thats a whole other story...)

I know that just like in sports, there are winners, losers, and those in between in Life. Those stuck in thegray area are those who didn't really lose much, but felt like they didn't win anything either. So for me, it's all relative. You can be either a winner or loser in your head. It all depends on what you hold dear to your heart and what you consider to be expendable. With sports, it's too clear-cut, there are statistics, there are tallies. People watch, they don't even have to decide if you suck or not, because you can do that for them. There will be days when you are the pigeon and days when you are the statue. You can't please everybody. But you also know that you don't really have to please everybody. This is not a beauty pageant. You are not competing for something that is as abstract and subjective as hell. Thank God skill, hard work and determination still count for something. Otherwise my team wouldn't have won the superbowl. But we did. And therefore, we got declared winners. Simple? Yes. Very.

In Love, when you meet someone, hit it off, and then get into a relationship, can you be considered a winner? When you break up, is it considered your loss or his? When is there really a clear cut gain or loss when it comes to relationships? (at risk of sounding like a Carrie Bradshaw wannabe, I really havent figured this one out). For me, a gain is more of when I meet somebody, end up caring for him, going ga-ga over him, frustrated over him and living la vida loca with him in mind. It's all a wonderful crazy blur. I gain without ever expecting him to give the exact same thing in return. Because to have the chance to do that, experience that, make that part of your history, is a great opportunity in itself. Mushy, i know. But when I'm old and gray, I'll look back at all these supposedly imperfect times and think about all the horrible judgements I made, stupid stuff that I unbelieveably did, things that would make my parents shackle me int he basement for good if they found out, and it was those kinds of things that will make me happy in my twilight years. (Actually, I'm kinda happy about it now).

In the long run, my losses have turned out to be gains. Because I never mince with words, I have never felt like I have shortchanged someone of my emotions. Because my ego will never be an issue when it comes to relationships, I do not feel bad about past fights. Because I will do my damndest to keep a relationship afloat and exhaust all means to the point of looking like a fool, I have no regrets. Just memories of the hard, challenging process we like to call Love.


yana said...

mangoes rule!

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