Monday, May 30, 2005


No matter how hard I try to go against something,
It seems that the entire universe will conspire and rudely shove me in the exact opposite direction.

I admit, I have a hazy concept of what I consider to be ideal in a man. Never really gave it much thought. I didnt think I had to anyway.
I always liked to think that there is redeeeming value in everybody. There is something in like in everyone, just as long as you take the time to actually look for something good.
And it follows that there is a point of attraction between two people who aren't total enemies.

But I've always known that if ever I had a crush, it would be with someone who I consider a kindred spirit, not far removed from my personality. Not someone who has probably never been inside a coffeehouse in his entire life (not that I particularly like coffee houses, I just don't think this guy's idea of fun involves Brazilian music and deep conversation).

I'm really starting to like someone right now who I know I shouldn't be giving much thought to. He is everything I am not (I have foregone certain things now that I feel I have graduated from the age of reckless youth). He, in other words, lives in a totally different planet than me. I have chosen the solitude in a small quiet world (similar to the place where the Little Prince lives, although more windy and humid), while he is living in a place where nobody ever sleeps, where there are too many things to do and places to visit. People to see. Girls to meet.

I like watching him from afar. It is a safe distance. And although we are friends, I do not talk to him as much as I should because I think it disturbs me that i am feeling unnerved by a man I hardly know.
I am getting over this. I need to hibernate.
Because I need to stay away.