I ate some cereal from Trader Joe's the other day. It had honey oats and some freeze-dried berries. (By some, I mean, with every handful I scoop out from the box, there'd be at least one sliced berry in the scoop) Good combination, although the fruit could taste nasty or good, depending on how you look at it. On one hand, the package label claims that because it is freeze-dried, then supposedly all the natural goodness is still packed in as well, so it retains its nutritional value. But on the other hand, it will kinda remind you of eating cardboard (which i have also tried) which comes in raspberry, strawberry and blueberry flavors. I liked snacking on it though. My mind thought it sounded healthy enough.
Funny what tricks your mind can play on you. Thinking it can have feelings when it doesn't. Thinking you can make these feelings last even if you don't really want it, need it or asked for it. The heart has feelings dummy, not the mind. the mind assesses and re-assesses. Analyzes and recommends to the heart what to do. If the heart throws all that out the window, then consider yourself mighty fucked (not always literally mind you). I have feelings put on hold, these are the ones put on extended vacation for the "what ifs" and "somedays" in this life. I have feelings forever put away for the "never agains" and "dont ever go there" people too.
These feelings, however real, are not going to make their way into the center stage of my life anymore. I can still feel them, but I'm sure as hell will never act on them as impulsively as I did at least once before. Ha-ha, I'm getting more grown-up each day...
Everything's frozen for me right now. Cannot act upon anything, cannot do anything significantly life-changing at the moment. I am not in the position to, even if my inclination is as high as ever.
Only consolation at the moment: work. Yep, I love my work right now. Good pay, good experiences and most importantly, good bosses. Could not have imagined it any better. I am actually starting to consider staying with them for more time than I initially planned. Thank you, thank you, thank you God!