Lost

Today, this is probably the most apt blog entry title I could ever have chosen. Why?

1. Because it is also the title of one of my favorite tv shows right now
2. Because I tend to feel this way for a few hours everyday when i'm too tired to work or finish my gym class
3. Because I am an idiot who loses or breaks things in the most unforgivably stupid ways possible.

The other day, I was thinking how its been quite a long time since I had a good cry (which begs the question, can crying generally be viewed as good thing? Don’t you just cry when your in despair most of the time?) I realized I’ve never really had a big enough reason to cry, nor have I been affected enough (I think) to succumb to such an act. But then again, I can be resilient in all the wrong places. Which follows that I can cry for all the wrong reasons.

Like today, I lost something I’ve had for the past couple of years (which miraculously, has never been broken or conked out on me, unlike most of my stuff). It was a birthday gift I specifically asked for back in college. A trusty black automatic umbrella. My lifesaver.

In my rush to get to work, I took a cab and put my drenched umbrella down, thinking I would have the right number of brain cells left not to leave it. Ha-ha. So when I finally realized this awful fact (after seeing my officemate dry out his umbrella), I wanted to rush to the nearest mall and buy myself a new one, exactly like the one I lost. It was a very unnerving feeling, like someone stole something from me. Only I knew it was my lapse of composure that was to blame.

So I called up my aunt (she’s also one of my closest friends) on the off chance we could go hunting for the same umbrella this same afternoon. Ended up crying on the phone while explaining what happened. I know it sounds silly, but I just don’t know why it’s the inane things that make me cry. Like it’s a catalyst for all the other :heavy stuff” I should be crying about.