Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merely Christmas

It's 3am Christmas day and I'm still up (but not necessarily about).
Funny that I've gotten so lax on blogging even though I've already been working for a website for over a year now. I could say there's just too many things happening, as usual. But then again, isn't there always some one thing or another happening? It's just a cop out.

Truth is, I really wanted this year to be not just good, but great. Any other year I probably would've been content with a not-so-sucky 12 months, but this year, for some reason, it was just crucial for me that it wouldn't be a bomb. Now I just can't wait for it to be over.

Looking back at my last entry six months ago, I know I was able to accomplish most of what was on my mid-year wishlist. I indulged in a new sport and even got to be part of three finals games because of it. I got to travel and go on a nice little adventure on my time and terms. The only thing I still haven't mastered up to now is reigning in my mind on matters of the heart. Harmless crushes aside, I should stop being affected anymore. I'm getting too old for that. I won't say any more on this because it'll only come out like a sad sorry pile of mush. Which is what it is, actually. I need to work on that part. Especially now.

Quite honestly, there's a lot to be happy about from the past few months. I've lost more weight from all the running than I have from sweating it out in the gym. I've learned to eat healthier with a little help from the chirpy persistent nutritionist at my gym. I've met a wonderful new community of athletes and religious individuals who are just so sincere and welcoming that it makes me feel guilty for not being even half as nice as they are. I envy these kinds of people. Those who can be light and carefree company. Because I know I can never be me who will be described like that. But then again, they're lucky to not have to go through things that will change them growing up. Harder, sadder, more painful things. Things that will break you but eventually strengthen you. I can't complain. I did get smarter after all. I think.

Now christmas this year at the family house was subdued, as always. They had early dinner because their guests apparently had other parties to go to come dinnertime. I opted to demur from the 5pm calltime as I have always hated having this wonderful traditional meal being moved hella earlier at the dictate of someone else's social schedule. I hate to say it, but I always resented it when even the opening of the presents had to be done right after dinner because everyone had to sleep early because they were going out of town the following day to go to the province. Why did I have to feel cheated out of enjoying my Christmas eve because of somebody else's plans? Christmas isn't merry when it feels pressured to be finished early, no sir deifnitely not.

Anyway, I've finally figured out the one New Year's Resolution I want to keep for next year. It's so simple I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier. It's one of those stupid things anybody can start doing at any time of the year, but I just think the start of a year is the best time to feel like a clean slate again. No wonder I can't wait to put 2008 behind me.

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