I just found out I am a masochist.
I've never figured that out 'til a friend pointed out the exact same fact about himself which I could totally relate to. Man, what a revelation.
That we actually enjoy doing the pursuing instead of being the one pursued.
Sad, sad, sad. But I guess that's just the way it is.
Another friend said something cryptic the other day too.
"Maybe the only reason your still together is because your so far apart."
It wasn't really a hypothesis as much as it was an actual statement.
Will my life always be about ironic statements? Will irony always play a big part in my love life?
"He's sweet, but he's an underachiever."
"He's hardworking, but he's always too busy."
"He was nice, but not nice enough to stay."
"He was everything a boyfriend should be, but he didn't love me."
"He's perfect. but he's too far away."
"He's responsible, but he doesn't know what love really means."
"He wants me, but I don't love him."
Great. I am now officially a major whiner, OFF the field as well as on it.
Dammit, I know that there's more to life than just having guy problems.
Heck, the fact that i even HAVE guy problems is a big surprise to me sometimes.
I have it on good authority that these things beat money problems any day (which does not mean I have money. It just means I'd rather not worry about it.)
I could have it much worse, which is to not even have a love life to speak of.
Why else would I continue to blindly pursue these "chances" at a life long love, even if the odds are against me? Because to love is to have a life. To have someone, somewhere, thinking and feeling the exact same way about me. Because even if it may not last, I will still be so grateful it happened. But of course, every single time I keep hoping it'll be outlast everything else.
My happily ever after in the making.....
And because I'm just too busy right now to be bitter or jaded anyway.
A loved life, now THAT is what I have.